Are PUAs Manipulators?

When I first found out about the community, I was fascinated and intrigued. I read everything I could get my hands on--including articles from women who think that the idea of pickup as an art is despicable.

These women believe that the heart of pickup is manipulation.

"It's deplorable," they say, "to learn techniques just to be able to get women into bed." Ad nauseam, they claim the old, worn out cry of "just be yourself" and insist that everything should just happen naturally.

From the beginning, long before I became PUMA, and certainly before I met any of these men personally, I was defending them.

What is wrong with trying to become the best person you can possibly be? What is wrong with learning to become the type of man women find attractive?

I know in my own life, there were many, many men who could have used the techniques that pickup artists teach. They would have been happier and more successful, and women (including myself) would have been happier to be around them.

The people who dismiss and condemn the seduction community fail to acknowledge one very important point: The women PUA's sleep with want and are willing to have sex!

In fact, they hope and dream of having sex. Women dream of men sweeping them off their feet. They dream of being romanced. They want to be attracted to someone who is attracted to them--they want to feel that comfort and connection. They want to trust someone enough to be able to open up and be intimate.

Seducing a woman is not raping her or forcing her to do something that she is not already willing to do under the right circumstances.

Recently I have become fascinated with a little book called The Art and Science of Personal Magnetism. Written in 1913 under the pseudonym of Theron Q. Dumont, this little gem is a fascinating look at the phenomenon of personal magnetism (which any reasonable person has to acknowledge exists), including the art of developing and controlling your own magnetism to the extent that you can influence others.

I have also been reading The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, which was recommended by Cuisine. In it, the author describes different "seducer types," providing historical examples of each. The idea is to read each type and determine which one most closely resembles yourself. Then later sections of the book teach you how to use your natural tendencies to achieve the desired outcome (namely, seduction of your intended "victim").

I discovered that I am a "Charmer"--one who gets their way by making those around them feel good about themselves. As the author predicted, when I came to the chapter, it literally jumped out at me, and to the very core of my being I thought, "Yes, this is me!"

The trouble was that although I immediately recognized that I am a charmer--and indeed I can charm just about anyone and get them to like me (and the tougher the case, the more satisfying it is!), I have never been able to charm someone into doing something--which has been especially frustrating in sales. They may like me, but they still resist me.

This realization had been troubling to me--so much so that I spent the bulk of my time at Knack's birthday party asking other PUAs how to overcome it. Discovering Knowledge gave me some pretty powerful advice (which I'll have to write about in another post), but it didn't resolve the core of the issue.

However, as I have been reading The Art and Science of Personal Magnetism, I realized that I had a conflicting desire that was preventing me from getting my way.

In metaphysics, one of the core beliefs is that we always get what we want. And if what we want is not showing up in our lives, that means we have a conflicting desire, or in other words, there is something (conscious or unconscious) that we want more that what we keep saying we want.

Here's an example. Let's say I want my husband to bring me flowers. I could very well say, "Dan, please buy me some flowers," and in all likelihood he would do it. However, it's not really that I want flowers, it's that I want HIM to WANT to bring me flowers. I want him to do it without me influencing him. So I don't say anything--instead, I just bemoan the fact that he never brings me flowers. My desire for the flowers is cancelled, because my desire for him to have the initiative is stronger.

And this is true in all aspects of my life--including my business. I want my prospects to get started and buy my products because they want to, not because I learned techniques to coerce them into doing so.

Consequently, I have been battling some internal demons about the morality of learning to control your personal energy in order to influence others.

So I spent some time pondering the solution to this problem.

After all, how could I ever become successful in business if I am not willing to learn the techniques I needed to become influential and successful?

And then it came to me.

Yet again, I found my answer in pick up.

What I failed to recognize is that the people that I talk to want to start a business. They want my life. They want what I have! (Who wouldn't?) Just like a women wants sex. In fact, they are hungry for it--they pray for it. But they want the conditions to be just right--they need to feel safe and comfortable.

And whether I want to get laid or paid, it's my job to create those conditions--to be that person they are looking for, to provide that environment that's going to allow them the space and freedom to open up and to finally be able to say...

"Yes! Yes! Oh, yes!"

The Power of Focus

"Man--she was all over you."

"She was?"

"Girl Candy, the woman had her hands between her legs, pressing against her thighs. She was looking for someone to f^%$ and that someone was you."

"Really?"

"So what's your plan? Do you want to take her home?"

"I don't know..."

"Do you want her phone number?"

"Um..."

"Are you going to ask her out? Are you going to take her home? What are you going to do?"

This was the conversation between Girl Candy and Cuisine, his coach.

Girl Candy seemed excited, but confused.

A few minutes earlier he had pulled me over to pivot for him as he approached these two HBs (hot babes). One thing about Girl Candy--he has no fear, none of the approach anxiety that paralyzes so many newbies. But then, Girl Candy isn't exactly a newbie. When Cuisine first told me about him, he said that he is very good, but not a PUA. I had hung out with him twice before, but I had never seen him operate.

Now I understand that he is naturally good with women (attractive and exotic, so that helps, too), but he doesn't know technique. For example, he doesn't know how to use a pivot.

So Girl Candy pulled me over to the bar next to these two girls. We laughed about nothing and he "accidentally" bumped into one of them (good move!). Then in a few minutes, he went over to them and opened the set. At first, they busted his balls pretty well and were quite rude. It didn't phase him and he kept on. Eventually one of the girls turned her back and left the conversation. I stood there like a third wheel.

I kept looking around for Cuisine and tried to think of a reason to leave, but Girl Candy kept bringing me back into the set. The target was still being pretty demanding/rude to him, clearly demonstrating her power. If Girl Candy could put her in her place, he'd be golden, but I was afraid he was just being evasive and failing.

Finally, Cuisine rescued me. He pulled me out of the set and as we stood there he continued to watch them over my shoulder. I told Cuisine I was afraid Girl Candy wasn't doing very well, but Cuisine begged to differ.

"Are you kidding me? She is IOIing him like crazy! Her hands are all over her throat. Now her hands are all over her thighs." It must have started after I got pulled out, because I didn't see any of that--and I pride myself on being good at reading body language (when I pay attention). All I saw was her pushing him around.

But would Girl Candy pull the trigger?

Cuisine took me to another part of the bar where we talked and waited.

Girl Candy finally came over and we debriefed--hence the above conversation between the two of them.

Cuisine kept pushing him--"You could do anything with that girl right now--what do you want to do? What's your goal?"

He didn't know. He didn't even know who his target was when he opened the set, and he certainly didn't have a planned outcome.

He said, "I just want to see how it flows."

That's the difference between a PUA and everyone else. A PUA has a plan. A PUA is focussed. A PUA knows in advance what he's going to do and does it. It doesn't work with every girl (Cuisine later got a major blowout from an attractive Asian girl--I think, like me, he gets a kick out of getting people to smile when they look sour or distracted; unfortunately, her expression of boredom (and disgust?) never changed.), but it works.

A PUA has a system. They follow the system, they leave as little as possible to chance, and they get laid.

Girl Candy, on the other hand, like so many other guys, flies by the seat of his pants--a point that Cuisine would emphasize over and over throughout the course of the evening.

Yesterday, Solid and I listened to a company training call where "Didi"--one of the millionaire leaders that we study--was the guest speaker. She talked about the recent Kentucky Derby and the huge upset of a horse that was the underdog--odds of winning 50 to 1--coming from behind to take the title. Didi talked about having blinders on in our business, just like the horses do. She talked about not looking from side to side and getting distracted by what is going on around you, but just focussing and running straight ahead.

Paul Janka, who we have also been studying, does this very thing, too. As he says, he has "codified" his system, and he applies it with determined focus. He does not leave his encounters to chance. He meets a girl and gets a number within 45 seconds. He texts her and invites her over. When she comes over, everything is prepared for sex--because he does not hope that she will sleep with him, he expects it.

Imagine the power of applying is same focus in our business, instead of leaving things to chance and just "seeing how it flows," as Girl Candy said.

PUAs focus on applying the system over and over and over. As a consequence, they get laid over and over and over.

As we focus on applying our system in the same way, we will get paid over and over and over.

It's practically guaranteed.

"I Don't Believe You"

Once there was a Seinfeld episode about "merging friends"--how it's disconcerting to have friends from two different areas of your life get to know each other. Right?

Well that's how I feel about Cuisine. I think he's a great guy, and I'm having fun going out with him (and learning a LOT), but I don't have a particular desire to introduce him to my husband and kids--or anyone else in the more mundane areas of my life. I want to remain congruent. If he sees me as a wife and mom, then he'll carry that image of me into the clubs, and somehow I feel like he'll treat me differently.

That has been my mindset.

Last night, though, he said something interesting that sparked a contrary thought in my head. I'm not sure if he planned for it to have the particular effect on me that it did (I wouldn't put it past him!) or whether he was just joking around, but either way I learned a very powerful lesson about human psychology.

We were out late and the metro (subway) was a ways away, so I offered to drive him and Girl Candy to the metro stop.

As we approached my car, I said, "This is my husband's car--of course I would never let my car get like this" (speaking of the piles of trash everywhere). Cuisine then said, "I don't think you have a husband--I think you just made it all up."

We all laughed, and I assured him I did, but suddenly I was possessed with the idea that I needed to prove to him that I am who I say I am. I suddenly thought, "Next time we go out, I'll bring pictures" or "I'll send him a link to my family website"--anything to prove myself.

The notion was so strong that even now I have a hard time shaking it. (I have been told that the need to satisfy curiosity is the strongest motivator in the world, but after experiencing this, I think there might be a tie.)

In retrospect, I realize that "the pull to prove" is actually the ego raising its ugly head. Our ego (our identity, our notion of who we are) feeds on being strengthened, and that strength comes from constantly reaffirming that which it believes to be true. If I hear something that questions that ego--that belief set--then I must rush in to reaffirm it. Otherwise, my whole identity is on unsteady ground.

I suspect that Cuisine knew exactly what he was doing and that he has performed that precise maneuver many times before. After all, what better way to get a girl to do something than to tell her you don't believe her? Want her to kiss you? Tell her you don't believe she's a good kisser. Want her to show up for a date? Tell her you know she's the kind of girl who flakes. (Um...but make sure you're saying it in a fun, high energy way. If your self esteem is so low that you truly believe she won't show up, she probably won't.)

And can we use this "reverse psychology" in business? HECK YEAH!

Want a prospect to show up for an appointment? Teasingly tell them you don't believe they're dependable. Want to ensure that they pay for a product immediately? Jokingly tell them that you know that they don't follow through on commitments.

And what happens when their ego flares up to prove that they are dependable and that they do follow through? Well, it is qualifying at its finest.

Quotes from Paul Janka

I haven't read Paul Janka's book yet, but I found a few articles by him and love these two quotes:

Never let one bitchy or unresponsive girl get to you or affect your outlook.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a cool response or flat rejection from a girl only to approach another girl 2 minutes later and hit it off, and be in the back of a cab getting head 15 minutes later. That’s the beauty of being a man – you can always walk away from a situation that has bad energy. My friend says the single most powerful word in the English language for a man is “Next!”

One of the key characteristics of an effective hustler, and I see it in my friends who play the game the best, is an ability to walk away from a negative situation immediately and brush it off, preparing for the next opportunity.

Something we hear all the time, too!

Here's another good one:

There are 3 types of girls around: yes, no and maybe girls

Again, the effective hustlers know how to judge the three types and work accordingly. All guys know the “no” girls. They are sticks in the mud, stand-offish, difficult, Princesses. Any guy who has been laid several times knows this type of girl. He probably has a gut instinct that she’s going to be hard to get in the sack. “Yes” girls, by contrast, are flirty, fun, open with body language and game for anything. They allow you to ask them back to your place with ease. The problems are the “maybe” girls, especially if they are hot.

Even after years of practice, I still can get stuck on these types, but as soon as I recognize the direction we’re going I can make the call. The “maybe” girls are where most guys get hung up spending all their money and time, thinking that they will get her. Careful, gentlemen, you are dealing with pros. Even other women will admit how manipulative a woman can be. Don’t assume you’ll wear here down or trick her. It’s better to walk then to throw more energy at these problem girls.

Ah yes. The maybes. The ones that we feel will pay us, get started, etc. "If only..." We spend soooo much energy and time on them. But Paul's right--and he echoes the leaders, too: SWSWSWN -- "Some Will, Some Won't, Someone's Waiting...Next!"

On our wakeup call this morning the leader was saying (and of course we have heard this before) that our job is just to sort, sort, sort. And that's all. And Dani, of course, has said, "You're not looking for people who are interested--you're looking for people who are qualified."

And, as Solid and I have discovered, the ONLY thing that qualifies someone is the Rage to Master.

Here, by the way, is the link to Paul's article in its entirety:
http://www.growyourgame.com/articles/getting-laid-in-nyc/the-market-place/

Paul Janka on Dr. Phil

As Solid and I were discussing on our call, Cuisine tweeted me yesterday about Paul Janka, and I thought I should check him out. Though many people might see him as unethical, his techniques can be used for good, and we are excited to learn more about them.

Here's the video that's on his website. I'll post more after I know more.

PUMA's Field Report, 5/4

Back on the phones today!

It seems like it has been forever...I just haven't been able to pick up the phone. It's not approach anxiety--I'm not scared of the prospect. Perhaps, as Solid said, I'm afraid of making a mistake in how I play the game. But I think it's a combination of things. Lately, I have been so enamored with how wonderful my life is that I just don't want to do anything but sit around in a quasi-meditative state and soak it up. :o)

But today I woke up and got back to work. Here's what happened:

First, I received a phone call from one of my associates--someone who bought the first level product, but that's all. She informed me that she is excited, stepping up her game, and plans to bring me her two training sales ASAP--as well as buy her next level product this month.

Woo hoo! :o)

We had an interesting conversation--she asked me what was going on with me and, instead of covering it up, I was honest with her. I told her about my struggles with attraction, my counseling session, and my new lease on life. It was awesome.

Next I called all of my "super hot" leads--these are people who visited my website and actually filled out the form. I left a few messages and connected with one guy who didn't remember, but said he was willing to talk for four minutes.

My new script (a combination of Dani, "Didi", and Kim) says, "Now to save us both time, what I'd like to do is spend about 2 or 3 minutes to find out a little bit about you, then I'll spend about 2 or 3 minutes to fill you in on who we are and what we do. Does that sound fair?"

The guy said, "Yeah, sure."

So I said, "OK, tell me when you have a piece of paper and pen." He said, "I don't have a paper and pen." So I said, "OK, then go get one." Then without any pause he said, "OK, I have something to write on." (Though I felt like he was lying.)

So I started into my script. "So NAME, can you tell me a little bit about what you do for a living now and your past experience in the job arena?"

He interrupted me and said, "I don't have a job--I'm unemployed."

I said, "OK, so what about your past experience? What did you do before?"

He said, "Um...(very hesitant)...real estate."

I said, "OK, so what does that mean--you are a real estate agent?"

He said, "Um...yea...an agent." (Again, sounded like he was lying.) Then he said, "So what is this all about? What do you do?"

So I said, "As I said in the beginning, I am going to ask you a few questions to find out about you, then I will tell you about who we are and what we do. So you are a real estate agent?"

He said, "Was--I was a real estate agent. So what is this? Why do you need to know all this?"

I explained again the purpose of the call, find out about you, you and I are going to work together--will we get along?, are you a good fit for the business?, don't want to waste either of our time, etc.

Then I said, "It doesn't sound like we got off on the right foot."

He said, "No," and hung up.

Sheesh! This guy was on MY website requesting information from ME. It's not like I just called him out of the blue! Oh well...next!

That was my last "super hot," so I moved on to the less hot. I had a choice to call the TVOs (telephone verified) or to call the people who had actually visited my website (via a link in an email), but had not filled out the form.

I chose the latter and called a guy who had been on my website just a few hours earlier.

This guy DENIED that he had ever been on my website and denied that he had opened or even received an email (which he said "would have gone in the spam folder anyway, which is where it belongs"). Good grief! So I said, "Are you telling me that you have never requested information about starting your business?" He said, "That's right." So I verified his information and said, "OK, sorry for the confusion."

I followed it up with an email, but I don't know. I don't really understand how that kind of thing can happen. Are they lying? I don't know.

Perhaps these are just our version of "shit tests" and we need to figure out how to deal with them. Hmm...

That's it for now.

The Magnet Story

The following story by Oscar Wilde was orginally told to demonstrate the difference between Free Will and Destiny. Robert Greene, in his book The Art of Seduction, uses it to demonstrate the attractive qualities of Oscar Wilde himself. But I thought it was a powerful insight into something else.

Isn't this what we all strive for in network marketing? To be so magnetic that people can't help but be drawn to us--thinking that it was their idea, when all along we were strategically planting the idea in their heads? Absolutely.

Once upon a time there was a magnet, and in its close neighbourhood lived some steel filings. One day two or three little filings felt a sudden desire to go and visit the magnet, and they began to talk of what a pleasant thing it would be to do. Other filings nearby heard their conversation, and they too became infected with the same desire. Still others joined them, till at last all the filings began to discuss the matter, and more and more their vague desire grew into an impulse.

'Why not go today?' said one of them; but others were of the opinion that it would be better to wait till tomorrow.

Meanwhile, without their having noticed it, they had been involuntarily moving nearer to the magnet, which lay there quite still, apparently taking no heed of them. And so they went on discussing, all the time insensibly drawing nearer to their neighbour. And the more they talked, the more they felt the impulse growing stronger, till the more impatient ones declared that they would go that day, whatever the rest did. Some were heard to say it was their duty to visit the magnet, and that they ought to have gone long ago.

And while they talked they moved always nearer and nearer, without realizing that they had moved. Then at last the impatient ones prevailed, and with one irresistible impulse the whole body cried out 'There is no use waiting. We will go today. We will go now. We will go at once. ' And then in one unanimous mass they swept along, and in another moment were clinging fast to the magnet on every side.

Then the magnet smiled -- for the steel filings had no doubt at all but that they were paying that visit of their own free will.

Notes from Mystery's UStream, Part 1

Yesterday I received an email that Mystery was going to be doing a live UStream tonight, so I made it a point to tune in. It lasted about two hours, which was largely a waste of time (because I knew so much of what he was saying and because he was answering PUA specific questions from the guys on the live chat), but there were a few nuggets that were applicable to the PUMA Project, so I thought I would take a minute to jot them down here:

Fifth Attraction Switch

Solid and I have talked extensively on our call about Mystery's four attraction switches. See the original video we discussed at length here.

Tonight, however, he added a fifth one: "Successful risk taker." This is something that the leaders in network marketing have talked about repeatedly as well--taking action to demonstrate that you are the leader, that you make big decisions, that you take risks...just like you are expecting your prospect to do.

Being a "Nice" Guy

Someone asked how they could remain being "a nice guy" while still using Mystery's techniques. Mystery (and Lovedrop, who was also there) talked a bit about the definition of a "nice" guy. Mystery said, "I'm a good guy, but I wouldn't necessarily call myself a nice guy." Then Lovedrop said, "Yea, I would never call myself a nice guy--too many bad connotations."

They batted around the idea for awhile and realized that the person who asked the question was referring to the negs and IODs that Mystery teaches as a way to begin an interraction. Mystery replied by saying something profound. He said, "Speaking nicely is opening in comfort--not opening in attraction."

Let me repeat that: Speaking nicely is opening in comfort--not opening in attraction.

This really resonated with me because, as I have been telling Solid, I have discovered that I have a real problem with this--going straight for comfort without building the attraction. And it brings up the scam guard in prospects--"Why is she being so nice to me? I haven't done or said anything to deserve it, so she must want something from me."

Good stuff.

Handling "Shit" Tests

NOTE: Please excuse my language in this section!

According to the glossary at FastSeduction.com, a shit test is "when a chick does or says something which is meant to judge the reaction or response from a male, whether the test is done consciously or unconsciously."

So basically, they are testing your salt--checking you for congruence: "Are you for real or are you full of shit?" In fact, I got a great email from the StyleLife team the other day with a detailed field report about overcoming shit tests. You can read it here, but be forewarned that it contains some very graphic language:
http://www.stylelife.com/academy/uncensored/

Anyway, it was a good reminder that that's all prospects are doing when they say something that seems rude or like they are trying to take control.

However, Mystery shed new light on it tonight when he pointed out that by not responding to the shit test, you are actually demonstrating one of the attraction switches: protector of loved ones.

Here's how he put it: "How can you protect her from the shit other people throw at her, if you can't protect yourself from her shit?"

Hmm...

Systematically Upload DHV Spikes Into the Target's Head

This is a phrase that Mystery said repeatedly throughout the night. I love the notion of systematically doing this. This is why I love Mystery. So precise and scientific!

Warming Up

One of the most valuable tidbits I got from the evening was the concept of warming up.

They were talking about how Mystery is now using music in his personal technique and somehow he got on this subject. He said, "You know, I don't play as well when I first pick up the guitar--just like any instrument or sport, you have to warm up. The same is true for pickup. When you first go out or you first go into a club, you're just warming up--it's later in the evening when you really get good."

This was really powerful for me as I thought about picking up the phone. When I only have a couple leads to call, and when it has been a few days since I have made calls, I am rusty. And because I'm rusty, I feel like I'm not any good. Really, though, I just haven't loosened up.

This is another reason why it is so important to have lead abundance--so you can use the first few leads to get the kinks out of your system and get in flow.

Thank you, Mystery! :o)

OK, that's all I have time for now. Will post the rest later. Check back!

The Lonely Leader

So Cuisine suggested I read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, and if you've been listening to our calls, you know all the drama that has ensued since I started reading it. I promised to post some quotes that apply to network marketing, and I will.

However, I ran across this interesting passage this morning, and I wanted to put it in here right away.

The book is divided into three sections. In the first section, you learn about different seducer types, the point being that one of them "resonates" with you--and that's your type. In the second section, you learn about different "victim" types--these are the different types of people that you will be seducing. The third section (which I have yet to read) describes exactly how to go about it.

I mentioned to Solid yesterday that I had been reading the victim types and didn't really find any correlation to what we're doing with this project concerning sales and network marketing. And then I came across the description of "The Lonely Leader." Here is what it says:

Powerful people are not necessarily different from everyone else, but they are treated differently, and this has a big effect on their personalities. Everyone around them tends to be fawning and courtierlike, to have an angle, to want something from them. This makes them suspicious and distrustful, and a little hard around the edges, but do not mistake the appearance for the reality: Lonely Leaders long to be seduced, to have someone break through their isolation and overwhelm them. The problem is that most people are too intimidated to try, or use the kind of tactics--flattery, charm--that they see through and despise. To seduce such types, it is better to act like their equal or even their superior--the kind of treatment they never get. If you are blunt with them you will seem genuine, and they will be touched--you care enough to be honest, even perhaps at some risk. (Being blunt with the powerful can be dangerous.) Lonely Leaders can be made emotional by inflicting some pain, followed by tenderness.

This is one of the hardest types to seduce, not only because they are suspicious but because their minds are burdened with cares and responsibilities. They have less mental space for a seduction. You will have to be patient and clever, slowly filling their minds with thoughts of you. Succeed, though, and you can gain power in turn, for in their loneliness they will come to depend on you. (page 179)

I found this passage so significant because we are always taught to look for "leaders" (Solid and I have talked about it as "top-down" recruiting), and yet often we are intimidated by these types--even me, who I would definitely put in the category as of one of them!

The people who fall into this category are the ones who will make the most money in network marketing. This passage gives us some guidance on how to reach them.

Rage to Master

This morning I felt impressed to write up the Rage to Master story that I have been using off and on for prospecting--I believe it's so powerful that I need to get it down on paper and use it consistently.

The history of this story is that a long time ago I read an article that talked about how the only thing that stands between us and success is persistance and a drive to succeed. I had since lost the article, and when I started thinking about it again in relation to Style's LMR story, I did some research to try an find it again.

I couldn't.

Instead, I found a body of research by Ellen Winner on gifted children, and so when I talked to prospects about the rage to master, I mentioned that she is the author of the concept.

BUT GUESS WHAT? This morning, I found the orginal article!!! Turns out the researcher is neuroscientist and medical doctor, Richard Restak--and he lives right here is Washington, DC!

It's so full of good stuff that I wish I could post the whole article here. For now, here's the link. Enjoy!

Diamond and Poo Video

Here's the video that I was telling Solid about on our call the other day. She had been talking to her son about "being yourself"--a term that PUAs shy away from and that I personally had had a hard time with: when I was "myself," I would say rude things and lose friends. On the PUA side, guys think, "Well clearly being myself doesn't work, because I can't get a girl!"

In this video, Jamie Smart uses a great analogy to describe why this happens and what it really means to "be yourself":

My Night Out With Cuisine, Part 2

Click here to read Part 1.

Well, last night was Knack's birthday party--I had an awesome time!! But more on that later...first I need to finish writing about my first night out with Cuisine...

So Cuisine was talking to his target, and I continued talking to the non-target. All the while, the non-target was "girl coding" to her friend. This term, coined by Mystery, refers to nonverbal cues girls give each other about the situation they're in: Things like, "Let's get out of here," "Rescue me from this guy," etc.

I heard Mystery use the term once on the show, but I don't remember him going into detail in his book or other materials, so I'm not sure how PUAs learn to read it.

However, as a girl myself, I am already fluent. So it was fascinating to me to observe it in action as I was talking to the non-target. In this case, she was coding to her friend (by continuing to turn her body toward her, look in her directin, and place her arm on her friend's arm): "I'm still here, I'm not leaving you, I can rescue you from this guy if you need me." Fortunately for Cuisine, the target was not coding back that she needed help.

Anyway, eventually Shelley and Penny showed up and said that they wanted to check out another part of the bar. I hated to leave Cuisine by himself, but I asked them what they had been doing this whole time and they said, "Standing over there in a corner by ourselves." Ack! Now I felt obligated to go help them meet some people. We decided to leave Penny with Cuisine, and Shelley and I headed downstairs.

I asked her who she wanted to meet and she pointed out a man in a blue shirt. He seemed to be by himself, but he was standing next to a group of about eight young guys, so I decided to open the big group, with the idea that I would merge him into the conversation.

So I went up and got the guys' attention with my opener--"My husband and I are having an argument I need help settling it." One of them turned and said "He's right!" I thought that was a pretty funny comeback and said that I hoped that the women he was asking told him the same thing!

Anyway, so I asked my question and passed around the notepad where I was tabulating the results. One of the guys was quite rude and said to his buddy, "How do you eat a v%^$#?" I said, "Hey--ladies present," to which he replied, "Yeah, so?" What a jerk!!!

Anyway, one of the guys was intrigued by the question and broke off from the group to tell me his Oreo "ritual"--and I mean RITUAL! He told me all about how he gets a pint of milk--"1%, not skim, not 2%"--and how a stack of Oreos from one of the big Costco bags contains exactly 14 Oreos, and one glass of milk lasts for precisely 7 Oreos, and how you take the Oreo in between your two fingers and dip it in the milk and hold it there for 4 seconds, so that when you eat it, it is half soft and half crunchy. It was a hoot! He told me he loves Oreos so much he is actually filming a documentary about the history of the Oreo! Ha ha ha!

During the discussion, Shelley had come in and she joined in somewhat, but mostly he was just telling me the whole story. At the end, we tried to leave and he said, "Wait, let me give you my email address!" And he proceeded to tell me that he wanted me to be in the movie and to email him. I couldn't believe it! What a riot.

Shelley and I headed back to our friends--Cuisine was there and we debriefed the set upstairs--that's when he told me about the name and height mistakes. He also told me that he had gotten the number in spite of my screw ups. Girl Candy and Smooth Virus had shown up by this time. Girl Candy lives in Cuisine's building and is not a true PUA, but "is very, very good," Cuisine says. Smooth Virus was one of the founders of the DC Lair and can be seen on the Knack Revelation videos.

My next assignment was to open a set for Penny...but I gotta run, so I'll have to write about that later.

My Night Out With Cuisine, Part 1

In just a few hours I am heading out for my second night out with Cuisine. Since I still haven't written about my first night out (despite having promised Solid on our call that I would have it done last Wednesday, not to mention the fact that it was over three weeks ago), I figure I had better get cracking!

Prior to going out I had prepared my opener--a topic I have used at parties for several years with good success: Oreos.

In the past, I had just used it as a conversation starter by asking "So how do you eat an Oreo?" when the conversation came to a stand still. But in reading Neil Strauss' Rules of the Game, I learned the value of opinion openers. And opinions that have to do with the difference between men and women are especially engaging.

Plus, Neil says it's important that your question has a "root"--that is, it's just weird to go up and ask a stranger's opinion on something. You must have a reason for asking.

So I made up a story that my husband and I had had an argument about whether it was a "guy" thing to just eat an oreo whole and that we were taking a survey. I was asking 20 men and he was somewhere else asking 20 women, and we were going to get together later to compare notes.

This was a great story, because first, it disqualified me--I said at the outset that I'm married, so they know I'm not hitting on them, I'm just there to have fun. And second, it sparked a whole fun conversation about Oreos, about men and women, about marriage/figthing in relationships, etc.

So I was excited as I headed into the city on the Metro (our subway). In fact, I was so excited that I considered asking some of the men that were on my train--but then I thought better of it. As these thoughts were going through my mind, I realized that one of the reasons women have a "bitch shield", as Mystery calls it, is simply SAFETY. This is a main reason why it is so important that men spend a lot of time comfort building before trying to make a move. A woman needs time to develop a sense of safety and security--this man is not going to rape her, beat her, take money from her, etc. He really is genuine. OK, I can let my guard down.

So anyway, I arrived in town to find that Cuisine had invited two other women (he told me he might). Neither of these were targets, but rather friends that could provide him with pre-selection value and were looking to meet men themselves. I was the only one in the group who was taken. ;o)

We talked on the street for awhile and strategized for a few minutes. I would be the one to open sets--of the three girls, I was the only who felt comfortable doing it. My primary job was to talk to and distract anyone who was not Cuisine's target. I would know who his target was because it would be the one he called "trouble." I would also be helping the other women meet men.

Two other PUAs were on their way, but we decided to head on in to our first bar without them.

The bar Cuisine chose was one that catered to an "older" crowd--which made me feel a lot better. I was concerned that I was going to be twice the age of all the people we met! Cuisine is 38, and one of the girls that came with us appeared to be in her 30s, so it was a good strategy.

The bar was on two levels, so first we went upstairs. Everyone hung up their coats and Shelley (the 30-something) and I headed to the bathroom--with a quick joke to Cuisine that it was real...not just "a girl thing"!

When we came out, Cuisine was already in a two-set, and just by his body language it was obvious who is target was. I knew my job was to distract the other girl, but I was caught off guard that he had already opened. How do I enter the set? I wasn't sure.

In the meantime, there was a 3-set of men between me and Cuisine. They were already opened up toward me, so I went ahead and approached them--they were my first Oreo guinea pigs! It worked quite well--in fact, a little too well...they kept wanting to talk to me, and I had to find an excuse to leave.

Eventually I managed to do so and made my way over to Cuisine's set. I just walked up and said hi and Cuisine introduced me to the two women. He made kind of a joke about which girl belonged to which name and said to them (about me) "Ah, she knows how f%@#'ed I am with names." I took up the game and said, "You mean he got it right? Wow!" Then I turned to Cuisine and said, "Right on!" and high-fived him.

Later during our debriefing, Cuisine told me that that was my first mistake of the evening--ack! He had already run a name routine with them and by making a joke out of it and high-fiving him, I had DLV'd him--that is, I had inadvertantly lowered his value in their eyes. Oops!

After we talked for a few minutes as a group, I started talking to the non-target as I was supposed to. I'm not sure how long we talked, but it seemed to me like a really long time. It surprised me, because I thought it would be a pretty quick matter for Cuisine to get the phone number. But in retrospect I realized that this is real life! The only experience I had was watching the TV show, which is full of editing.

My second mistake of the evening occurred when the non-target and I started talking about height. It started innocently enough--she mentioned that she had worked on the Obama campaign, and I asked her if she had ever met him. She said she had only seen him from a distance at the inaugural ball. I asked if he was tall, and her eyes got big and she said, "Yes, but then, I'm so short, everyone seems tall to me."

At that point I said, "Really, you're short?" (She was sitting on a bar stool and I was standing.) And I looked at her legs and her shoes--I knew that the ideal thing for Cuisine would be to get the non-target away from him and his target, so I was hoping when I did that she would stand up so I could see her and turn her back to them--but she didn't.

Instead, she said, "Well, compared to her," at which point she turned and brought her friend into the conversation.

I then said to the friend, "Oh, how tall are you?" She replied, I said something, and then I went back to talking with the non-target.

Cuisine and I would later argue about who actually said the words, "How tall are you?" I thought it was the friend, but I in retrospect I realized that Cuisine was right--I had been the one to actually ask the question. And it was a no-no because Cuisine is somewhat short and calling attention to that fact was another DLV.

Despite my two mess ups, Cuisine was eventually able to get his target's phone number, though I'll have to write about that another time. It's time to get ready for my second night out--this time I get to meet Knack, one of Mystery's right hand men at Venusion Arts.

Very exciting! :o)

Click here for Part 2.

How to Roll

At the Neil Strauss event, Cuisine told me about Knack--who is one of the master coaches at Venusian Arts. I looked him up on YouTube and found this great series about Mystery's new product, Revelation.

This particular video (which is Part 4 of 7) really struck me as being applicable to network marketing, so I thought I would post it here. At the end of the previous video, Knack introduces the topic of "How to Roll"--basically, he says, "how to get your life really going."

Number one is obviously to GET OUT AND DO IT! (Sounds like he's talking to network marketers who won't pick up the phone...).

But, he says (and excuse my language, I'm quoting here...) "And don't just do game shit--get out and do non-game shit."

Of course, this is what we hear from our leaders all the time--the more you enjoy your life, the more attractive and successful you will be. Do fun stuff. Be a fun person. Knack says, "Even if you're not going to do pickup, go out and be alive, man--go out and be alive."

The next video covers the rest of the bullets:

• Practice your game
• Improve your avatar
• Social proof
• Be observed
• Your way of being

I especially love the last few seconds: "Who do you want to go into business with?"

Meeting Neil Strauss

So last night I went to the book signing for Neil Strauss' (aka Style, author of The Game) new book, EMERGENCY: This Book Will Save Your Life. OH MY GOSH I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME!!!!!!!!!!

My husband predicted that I would be the only female there, and he was right--though a handful of other women did show up later.

As fate would have it, I ended up sitting next to Cuisine from Venusian Arts--the only day game coach in the company. He was amazing. Very chatty, and definitely in his element--he found out about me and the website and he made it his business to introduce me to a bunch of guys that he thought I might want to talk to or that might want to talk to me. It was awesome!

Almost all of the guys there were from the community, which wasn't surprising. I was curious about how Neil was going to tie in PUA to his new book, because they didn't seem related at all. Having a current list of people who like you and buy your stuff is one of the keys to business success, but I had read excerpts on Tim Ferriss' blog, and I just couldn't see the connection.

But when Neil arrived, he cleared that up immediately. "Basically, there's school, and there's life," he said, "Both The Game and Emergency are about stuff you don't learn in school." He said that both of his books were about stuff he wanted to learn about for him personally and that he just got so into it and learned so much that he had to write a book about it.

When it came time for questions, he said he would answer things about any of his books, so naturally there were some PUA questions. But there were also questions about his adventures with Marilyn Manson and Mötley Crüe. I wanted to know about his next project (hoping he would say that he didn't have one, so I could suggest... :o).

I said, "You struck me as..."

To which he interrupted, "I STRUCK you?"

Everyone laughed as I tried to think of something witty to say. Unfortunately, my brain froze, so I just continued, "You seem to be someone who likes to solve problems--what's the next problem you're going to solve?"

He said, "Life balance." And then he went on to talk about how crazy his life is and how he really needs to slow down, but he doesn't think that's going to happen any time soon.

Too funny, since that's my primary business--as an author and life management consultant, that's what I do. But I couldn't tell him that, because I was there in disguise! Ha ha ha! :o)

After questions, we all got in line. I had bought the new book, so I had priority, but I was busy talking, so I ended up being almost last in the priority line.

It turned out great, though, because I spent a LOT of time talking with the guys in line--probably 10 of them. IT WAS SO REFRESHING to talk to people who speak my language! I have been so alone in this project for so long. Even when Solid was on board, I had to do much of the explaining because she just wasn't as into it as I am. But last night I got to be in a room full of men who were really learning and applying this stuff. And I got to talk to them! And ask them questions!

And because all these guys were really in the business of improving themselves and learning to have good social skills, be open and friendly, and tell stories--they were so fun to talk to and I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME!!!!!!!

It was just awesome. I was on Cloud Nine and still am. Now the question is how can I recreate that? I can't go to a bootcamp--I think a 40 year old woman would stick out. I can't hang out with them in bars--they will be busy gaming. Perhaps it was just a once in a lifetime bubble of opportunity. Sigh...

Well, the good news is that l used my gaming skills to get Cuisine's contact info. And I also met a guy who works in marketing that would be fun to talk to. I got his contact info, too.

So, we'll see. For now I'll just have to go back to sarging on my own, reading what I can, field testing, and trying to apply these skills to my business.

Oh! I guess I forgot to write about actually meeting Neil!

So I had been racking my brain about what to wear or do to get his attention. I wanted him to remember me, so I had to peacock--do something unusual. I thought about various things--wearing something on my head, wearing long gloves, putting a temporary tattoo on my neck or chest. I even thought about noseraping him when I got up to the table (that would have earned his respect!).

What I ultimately decided was to wear big button with PUMA and my avatar on it. That was a great idea because many of the guys asked me about it or mentioned it after I told them my name. (It also helped that I had some cleavage right next to the button ;o)

When I got up to see Neil, he said, "Let me guess--you're PUMA."

I said "Wow, how did you know, are you (brain freeze while he and his girlfriend stared at me) psychic?"

They said, "Um, no, it's on your shirt." Duh. Did they think I didn't know?

Anyway, as he was writing in my book (I bought Emergency, but I really wanted him to sign my Rules of the Game book, which he did--"To PUMA--On behalf of all men, I apologize... Neil Strauss."), I asked him if Sneak had told him I was coming.

I could tell that hooked him a little and he said, "No, how do you know Sneak?" And then he added (more guarded), "Or, did you just email him?"

I said I had emailed him, because I thought you would be interested in my website. He asked me what it was and I told him (selling "in the style of Mystery, Style, and Ross Jeffries"!), and we chatted a little bit about similarities and borrowed terms.

In another effort to help him remember me, I had also brought a big chocolate bar, which I wrapped in a paper that said, "Chocolate for You, Compliments of PUMA -- www.SexAndSelling.com" I gave it to him and he said, "That's a great idea [referring to the chocolate]. I am definitely going to visit your website." Woo hoo!!!!

BTW, I also handwrote on the back, "Neil/Style--Thanks for inspiring me! Call me sometime: (my number)" And I tucked a card in under the wrapper. Bold!

Anyway, that's the scoop. It was fantastic. I am excited. Life rocks!!!!!!!!! :o)

StyleLife Challenge Day 6

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

I am meeting Neil tonight at the book signing for his new book, Emergency: This Book Will Save Your Life. Better get back on track!

Mission 1: Conquering AA (Approach Anxiety)

Read briefing. Done.

Mission 2: If You Can't Say Something Nice...

Give four women spontaneous compliments.

When I first started this blog, I tried to hide the fact that I am a woman. Then Solid came on board and we started doing our call, and, of course, it became impossible to hide. So, now that I'm out, I can admit that this mission was very easy for me--in fact, girls do this all the time.

Since we are always trying to attract men, we pay attention to what other women do that are attractive. We notice them and often comment on them. "Oh my gosh--cute bag!" And often even try and help each other. "Thanks! I got it at this store in Georgetown...I know it looks like Gucci, but it's not...here--I'll show you the lining...that's the only way you can tell."

So since reading this chapter, I have complimented LOTS of women--and some men, too. The conversation about the bag was real. Plus, I have commented on hair, smiles, energy, and I don't know what all--I can't keep track.

In retrospect, what I SHOULD have done is forced myself to compliment someone who I felt intimidated by--either because they didn't look friendly or because they were super attractive or appeared wealthy (those are my hangups).

Going forward, I'll make more of a concentrated effort to do this and break out of my comfort zone--which is the purpose of the challenge anyway.

Mission 3: The Eight-hour Rule

Get a good night's sleep. Done. (Was having trouble sleeping, then I got sick (perhaps because I wasn't sleeping!), but now I seem to be back on track.)

Field Report - 3/11

Please note that I am now using the following abbreviations for the prospecting phases, similar to but different from the PUA equivalent. I am calling this ABC Prospecting:

A - Attract	B - Bond	C - Close
A1 - Advertising	B1 - Comfort	C1 - Sales Presentation
A2 - Sorting	B2 - Connection	C2 - Follow Up
A3 - Qualifying	B3 - Intimacy	C3 - Payment

Left a lot of messages today. One disconnected number. One good conversation, as follows:

K. from Ohio

A1:  Purchased lead, so I had to demonstrate value just from the conversation--no add or website to do it for me.  Used Dani's script to start:

"Hi, this NAME, I'm calling you back.  You requested some information about working from home (no pause!) what can I do for you?"

K. replied, "What company as this?"

Per my awesome Dani training I replied, "Tell me when you have a piece of paper and a pen."  (Dani actually says, "Do you have a pen and paper handy?" -- I got in the habit of saying "Tell me..." after listening to one of our internal training calls...I like it better--it's a compliance test!)

The guy said, "Hold on," and came back.

Then I took control of the frame by using Dani's next line:

"To save us both time, I need to ask you a few questions to figure out what information to direct you to."

Then from there I launched into A2 questions per the guide.

A2:  Questions I used were:

• What's the main reason you're looking for a business of your own? (he is a trucker and wants to get off the road)
• Have you ever been self-employed or owned your own business?  (he owned his own truck--so I used lots of follow up questions to see if he would talk up his ability to be his own boss, to see if he had a sense of what it takes to run a business, etc.)
• Not everybody is cut out to make the transition from being an employee to being an entrepreneur, what makes you think you'll be successful? (he is hard headed, was taught to believe he can do anything--I followed up with "and are you surrounded by people now who believe in you," to which he replied that his wife is pretty skeptical...I was able to use that later)

A3:  K. did a good job of selling himself.  He said things like "if other people can do it, I don't see why I can't," as well as the phrase about being "hard headed" and willing to see things through until he can figure it out.  He also told me what he didn't want--i.e. wellness industry, so I was able to use that later.

B1:  My initial B1 question was "What did you want to be when you grew up?" to which he answered truck driver.  I was able to talk to him about that for awhile and felt like we made a connection.

B2:  Yes.

B3:  Asked him what he really wanted--deep down.  He talked about travel and making lots of money--even millions (again saying "if they can do it, I can, too").  He said what he really needed was someone to be available to answer questions and help him out, because he hardly knows anything about the internet--was able to use this later, too.

Also during B3 he divulged that he was really strapped financially and that he had to borrow money just to pay the electric bill.  So I asked him point blank, "So how are you going to start your business?"

He said, "Well, I believe where there is a will there is a way.  I'm going to do what it takes.  I know there's free advertising out there--I guess I'll just have to start with that."  I did NOT tell him the rage to master story--in retrospect I should have, even though he expressed it in his own words.  Oh well, live and learn (and calibrate!).

C1:  Scheduled him to the call using verbiage in the guide, "live demo..the way we deliver the information...bird's eye view," etc.  Then I set him up for the follow up as outlined: "You won't be able to make a decision...connect the dots...what it will be like when you start your business."  And I made sure he could be connected to the internet while talking to me.

Once we got everything scheduled, he asked me "So bottom line, what is the absolutely lowest amount of money I need to get started?"  And I said, "$49.95--can you handle that?"

He said, "Well, I'll have to get it past my wife."  I recommended that she be on the call with him so that she could hear exactly what it was all about without him having to explain it to her.  He thought that was a good idea.

We are scheduled to follow up tomorrow afternoon.  I'll post the rest of the field report then.

3/12 Update: Called K. for follow up appointment. Had to take friend to emergency room last night and just got back. Told him to call me after he had had a chance to rest.

Major Frame Battle!

OK, so I don't have time to write a full field report, but I did want to jot down some notes about this one call. MAJOR FRAME BATTLE!

So the woman's husband answered the phone and immediately wanted to know who I was with. I told him I was calling from my home in Virginia, and she picked up the phone and wanted asked what company I was with. I responded by saying that it didn't matter at this point (mistake on my part--I should have just followed Dani's lead and said, "Grab a piece a paper and a pen"). She said, "Well, it does matter--if I'm interested in working from home, then I want to know what company you're with." I said, "OK, so you are looking to work from home--did I catch you at a good time for a 10-15 minute conversation?" She said, "Yea, I guess."

So I started with the A1 question--"What's the main reason you're looking to start a business of your own?" She said, "To bring in extra money." I SHOULD have said something about why a business and not a job, but instead I said, "Tell me more about that." She just repeated herself (clearly, I have no value in her eyes at this point) and laughed at something her husband said in the background.

I laughed and said, "What did he say?" And she said he said I was being evasive. So at that point I said, "Tell you what. I don't think we're ready to have this conversation. How about I give you my web address--there is a 2 minute movie there you can watch. And if you'd like to find out more, you can give me a call."

She said, "Fine" and I gave her the address, followed up with an email with the link.

Ack! I need to get better control of the frame.

5 Tips for Personal Transformation

As part of the StyleLife Challenge, I occasionally get emails from someone called "The Sneak"--a master PUA on Style's team. Today's email was particularly good and applicable to network marketing, so I thought I would post it here. No translation necessary, but I will say this: How would sales increase if we were to get in that head space where we "glow like we have a new haircut"?

5 Tips for Personal Transformation
by The Sneak

"Something is different about you," she said while peering at me with a quizzed look in her eye. She continued "It's that fresh look, like when you notice somebody got a haircut, but that can't be it, because your hair is the same as always. Maybe you grew taller. Wait, that doesn't make sense."

She couldn't put her finger on it, because "it" was so much more than a simple hair cut. She had witnessed me go from the busboy that silently cleaned the tables to the top server in the place who was making hundreds in cash tips a day and was secretly dating the hot manager after work.

That sounds like bragging, but sometimes the truth does. When I had moved to the city I was lost and lonely. I didn't have any friends, and I had no clue how to make any. Those days were behind me.

"Who was that girl I saw heading out on my way upstairs? I'm getting worried about you - always a new girl. You aren't turning into some kind of womanizer are you?"

A smirk crossed my face, "I love women. You know that, but no. I'm certainly not a womanizer."

"You've been working out. Is that it? Have you been working out?"

It was her closest guess yet. I had been working out, in a sense. Not lifting weights, but working every aspect of my life. I had been since I met Style months ago.

And apparently, by this point, I seemed to be shining with an inner confidence that bestowed me with the energy of a permanently fresh haircut. And the best part about this was that the improvement techniques I was using were freely available to anyone who wanted them.

You don't have to be born with any specific talent, but you must be prepared to work to rise to the top of your personal capabilities. Here are 5 tips to get you started:


TIP #1: Embrace the Pain

The superstar is vulnerable. Your mind, body, and emotions will all be exposed in this process. There will be bumps and bruises along the way but in the end you will heal and be stronger. It is ok to fear this pain, but you must be ready to push past it and continue on. The superstar does not quit.

To quote Style, who was quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger, "The last three or four reps is what makes the muscles grow. This area of pain divides a champion from someone who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens."

Make the personal vow to embrace that pain right now and you will be one step closer to superstardom.


TIP #2: Take Off the Lid

The vast majority of limitations are self-imposed. Carefully monitor your own thoughts. When your inner voice mentions a limitation, acknowledge that this is likely a self-imposed ceiling. As you will see in time, once you stop questioning what you can and cannot achieve, you will frequently find yourself performing feats that before you didn't even think possible.

Start monitoring your limiting beliefs today and begin to see what you are really capable of.


TIP #3: Understand that Obstacles are Part of the Journey

Nobody gets a smooth ride. Every now and then we all face challenges, and we all hit walls. While facing death, Professor Randy Pausch explained in his now famous last lecture that those walls are there for a specific purpose.

They are made to keep all of those who don't want it badly enough OUT. You however are the exception. You will find a way to continue forward and make it past that wall.


TIP #4: Be a Beginner and Be an Expert

Always be humble, you are never too advanced to learn something new. Always be confident, know you are worthy of even the highest level of secret information.

When working at developing any skill, bear in mind you're never above the fundamentals, yet keep your ears perked for expert level tips as well. Keep an open mind and be ready to learn at every opportunity.


Tip #5: Dream BIG

Yes, setting reasonable goals for yourself that you know you can achieve and incrementing those goals into small chunks. That is important for the average person...BUT the superstar must strike the perfect balance. Remember today's second tip, you cannot limit yourself.

Take a moment and ask yourself "What did I want to be when I grew up?" Did you answer an astronaut or professional sports player? You need to reactivate the dreamer part of your personality.

Ask yourself, what are your dreams NOW...because you must have those dreams to bring them into reality. And you can. And you will.

Never Argue

This is normally the type of thing that Solid and I would talk about on our call, but she has been busy with other things lately, and we haven't had a chance to chat--so I thought I would just jot this down real quick.

Yesterday at church, one of the counselors in the bishopric told an interesting story, and yet again I thought how well life reflects the art of seduction.

Brother C. said that when he was young he had a stake president who was very stoic. He was somber, rarely cracked a smile, and was kind of scary and intimidating to a teenager.

So when the Brother C. went in for his missionary interview, he was a little on edge.

During the interview the stake president looked Brother C. in the eye and asked him pointedly, "So Elder, you're on your mission and your companion announces one day that he is going to go to the movies. What do you do?"

Brother C. said that he gave what he thought was the right answer, "Oh, I would NEVER go to the movies--absolutely not. I would refuse."

To which the stake president replied, "Wrong answer. Never leave your companion. You tell the elder that you will go with him to the movies, but after it's over he will have 5 minutes, and either he will call the mission president or you will."

Fast forward one year and Brother C. found himself on his mission, in his white shirt and tie, on the subway with his companion, in jeans, high top sneakers, and a cowboy hat, headed toward a bad situation.

All the arguing the world would not convince this companion to stop what he was about to do.

Suddenly, Brother C. remembered the words of his stake president and he said, "Elder, you go ahead and go, and I'll go with you. But five minutes after it's over, either you'll call the mission president or I will."

The companion was angry, but at the next subway stop he got off and headed back home.

This story reminded me of Mystery's last minute backout technique of agreement. He says that whenever you argue with someone, you give them traction to strengthen their own side.

So, when a girl says, "We should stop--my parents will hear us," instead of saying, "Don't worry, they can't hear us," you should say, "You're absolutely right, we should stop"--and keep going. Let HER be the one to put on the brakes.

What I learned from Brother C's story is that refusing to argue can be used not only to get what you DO want, but also to prevent what you DON'T want.

Moral: Never argue. Period.

Field Report - Kristen

Please note that I am now using the following abbreviations for the prospecting phases, similar to but different from the PUA equivalent. I am calling this ABC Prospecting:

A - Attract	B - Bond	C - Close
A1 - Advertising	B1 - Comfort	C1 - Sales Presentation
A2 - Sorting	B2 - Connection	C2 - Follow Up
A3 - Qualifying	B3 - Intimacy	C3 - Payment

I just got off the phone with Kristen, and I wanted to write this up real quick--it's a perfect example of what not to do!  Ack!  OK, maybe it wasn't that bad.  Here's what happened:

When someone has clicked on my website, but not opted in, I send them a postcard at the end of the month. Kristen called because she had received the postcard.  She was very guarded and said, "I got a postcard and it said to call you."

I had not prepared for such a call! I said, "How're you doing today?" And she said, "Fine." -- very guarded. I said, "Really? You sound a little tired or something." She laughed, I said, "Ah! I got you to laugh...that's good." (I'm still scrambling to get my bearings and collect my notes). "So what do you do now?," I asked. She said "I watch my 4 year old, and it doesn't pay very well." We both laughed, and I followed up with "Do you have any other kids?" And we talked about that for a little bit. Notice what I was doing wrong here --> I TOTALLY skipped the attraction phase and tried to build comfort! Of course she was guarded! She had no investment in the interaction. She had no reason to be on her best behavior.

Eventually, I got set up and back tracked to A1 questions: So what attracted you to my postcard...what made you want to call me? By then, however, she had lost trust in me and started badgering me with questions. "What is this? The postcard doesn't say anything." I told her there was a website on the front of the card and then said, "Let me just back up a little bit and tell you why you got the card." After I did that I said, "So Kristen, since the ad you responded to was pretty general, let me tell you a little but about me and what I'm looking for, then we can see if we might have a good fit here. Sound good?"

"Okay..." -- very guarded.

So I went into my little pitch, which included a DHV spike, and ended with "What I'm really looking for is..." and "Does that sound like you?"

She said, "What is it?"

I said again, "Does that sound like you?"

She said, "No, not really." So I said, "OK, then what I would recommend is that you visit the website on the front of the card, find out a little bit more about me and what I'm about, and if you find that you want to talk again, you have my number."

She said, "OK, sounds good." Now she seemed very happy (because I didn't try to sell her or convince her of anything? possibly...), and she wished me a good day.

Yikes! What could I have done differently?

Well, I should have immediately taken control of the frame. I could have asked, "Kristen, is the postcard addressed to you?" If so, I could have made her wait while I pulled up her record. If no, I could have pulled up the person it WAS addressed to and changed it. Then when I asked her "And why did you want to talk to me today (what attracted you to the card, etc.)?" Then, "And what's the main reason you're looking for a business of your own?"

THEN I could have responded with "Let me tell you a little bit about me and what I'm looking for..."

She may have had the same reaction...still answered no to "Does that sound like you?"...but at least I wouldn't feel so yucky. At least I would have been in control.

Ah well, live and learn. Or live and calibrate, as Mystery would say.

Play Solid Game

Yesterday Solid asked me on our call about what to do/say in a follow-up/closing conversation--and I realized we hadn't figured that out yet! So I started reading some of my favorite books for the answer. In reading about Mid-Game and End-Game in The Mystery Method, I ran across the following. Mystery is talking about LMR (Last Minute Resistance), but it is amazingly applicable, of course, to reasons why you may not make a sale (or encounter objections), when everything seemed to be going to well. PUMA translations in [green].

Play Solid Game

Her emotional circuitry is designed to select for a high-value man whom she trusts and with whom she pairbonds [the same is true for us--a prospect needs to value us and trust us]. If your game is tight, last-minute resistance will be greatly reduced as an issue. So examine your basic game:

• Are you a healthy, ambitious, socially comfortable person?
• Do you convey a lack of neediness at all times?
• Have you otherwise demonstrated value via preselection [they know that other people have worked with you--this can be fellow associates, it doesn't have to be a downline "team" (they won't know the difference)], the leader-of-men switch (social intelligence and social proof), emotional stimulation, frame control, and so on?
• Has she chased [qualified] and otherwise invested in the interaction?
• Have you been compliance testing? Do you have kino escalation and compliance? [Sorry, haven't figured out an analogy for kino (touching)!]
• Does she feel that she has earned your interest? [Again, qualifying/proving herself--understanding that you don't just take anyone.]
• Have you built comfort and trust, and a sense of connection, over seven hours [not sure that it takes this long in network marketing--haven't tested it] and several venue changes ["venue" changes include your advertising, your initial conversation, the presentation, and the follow up]?

P.S. Use of the term "Solid Game" has nothing to do with my pal, Solid. :o)

Michael Jordan Quote

Here is the Michael Jordan quote I mentioned on our call yesterday:

I've missed more than nine thousand shots in my career. I've lost almost three hundred games. Twenty-six times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that's why I succeed.

See also some great Mystery quotes in my post on Process Over Outcome.

It really is just about practicing over and over and over.

4 Attraction Switches

This is the Mystery video that Solid and I were talking about the other day on our call. In addition to indicators of interest, Mystery defines four "attraction switches" that are hard wired into women. If you can demonstrate these four qualities, a woman will automatically be attracted to you--she can't help it...it's instinct. They are:

1. pre-selection by other women (having other clients besides them)
2. leader of men
3. protector of loved ones
4. willingness to emote (not being fake and happy all the time--being real)

Are these the same attraction switches for prospects? I think they are.


By the way, watch the girl on Mystery's left. Solid said the first time she watched this video, she was distracted and annoyed by all the stuff going on in the room. But after I told her to watch for the attraction switches, she decided to watch it again and ONLY watch the girls. Notice how the girl on the left never moves--until Mystery negs her. Then suddenly she is fidgety and can't keep her hands off herself. Disinterest is pretty powerful stuff!

StyleLife Challenge Day 5

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

Yikes! I am soooo behind in this. So much for mastering it in 30 days! Just the missions is a good reminder that I need to be well groomed always--so much for spending the day in my robe, like I mentioned on our call. Anyway, back on track. I finished Mission 1 awhile ago. The rest are more recent.

Mission 1: Here Comes the Groom

Read briefing. Perform at least one item.

This was a great one for me, because I will admit I have gotten VERY lax about my grooming--it's so easy when you do all your work on the phone. I mean, I take a shower every day and brush my teeth, of course, but I haven't really gone beyond that.

This morning I shaved (even though I shaved yesterday), I did body sugar scrub, gave myself two facials, tweezed some eyebrow hair, brushed and flossed my teeth, and got dressed WITH shoes. I have to admit, I feel like a million bucks. It is definitely time to start doing this every day (well, maybe not to the full extent!). How you feel certainly affects how you act. Again, stuff I've been told many times before, but never took seriously.

BTW, another thing on the list is to get a pedicure. My feet have been so rough this winter that I have been loooonging to get one. Now I have it as an assignment! Woo hoo! I will get one THIS WEEK. Yay!!!!!

Oh, and two other things on the list are to exercise and eat healthier. Done!

Mission 2: Make a Change

Get a free style consultation.

This is something I am definitely looking forward to doing after I have slimmed down--I often feel quite frumpy and would like to look more polished on a regular basis.  I am losing weight and working on my body consistently in order to gear up for an 800 mile bike ride that I'll be participating in in September.  It's going to be a huge media event, and I will be spending a lot of time in front of the camera--both for print and TV--so I want to look my best.  I already have someone in mind whose style I admire that I plan to ask to help me shop this summer.  But I'm not waiting until I have lost all the weight to start improving.  I've already begun to open up to women I admire and compliment them on their style.  It's amazing how that mission about asking for shoe advice really helped.

[BTW, guess what?  The girl I asked about the shoes came up to me at our game last week and said, "You know, I have an extra pair of shoes that you can have, if you want--I don't know why I didn't think about it when we were talking last week."  Right on!  She just saved me $100!!!!]

Anyway, I did send a rather embarrassing email (this whole challenge is about breaking out of your comfort zone, right?) to a friend of mine who always looks so put together.  I asked her once why she always looked so good even late in the day, and she said, "Well, I freshen."

My mother was a tomboy, so I never learned these girly things, so I asked my friend how often she "freshens" and what all she does.  I haven't heard back yet--I'm interested to hear what she says.

Mission 3

Brush up on one of the previous exercises--visualization, affirmation, posture, etc.  Done.  I have done the affirmation in the mirror several times--it's really good.  Have also been focusing on my posture.

Mission 4

Lay out any new clothes for tomorrow's mission.  n/a -- no new clothes yet.

Crazy Sex & Selling Video Man

Here is the video Solid and I were talking about yesterday on our call. He might be teaching true selling principles, but he sure ain't demonstrating them. I didn't feel romanced by his pitch in the slightest. Sheesh!

Solid's Field Report -2/9

NOTE:  Solid doesn't have the ability to update the blog yet, so I'm just posting what I got in an email.

3 leads today:

1 – disqualified – just looking for a job, just curious

2- left message

3 – asked questions, looking to go from 10k per year to 7 figures, negged her about how that could be possible, said it’s her time.  told her I sift and sort (not everyone is cut out to make that jump) and asked for 3 quailifying characteristics – she has a degree in economics, so I talked about the secret being a market indicator, etc. booked her to a call tonight and told her to call me back after 5 tomorrow (busy day)  so I’ll keep you posted.  *I think she did a good job of qualifying herself, but I never did get her to say “exactly” ;(

Sounds like Solid had a great Attraction phase, but I wondered about the Bonding phase.  Here's the reply I got:

I didn't do very well with the bonding/ connecting phase.  I forgot to give
my feedback in her words.  I re-interpreted based on my own experiences,
judgements, prejudices and thoughts (which is a huge no-no according to
Michael Oliver)  I've got to quit using my own phrases, and feed their words
back to them verbatim

Still, Solid called me last night to say that this prospect HAD called back and DID commit to getting started.  Right on!  Solid's first sign up using the method...

Field Report 2/6

Please note that I am now using the following abbreviations for the prospecting phases, similar to but different from the PUA equivalent. I am calling this ABC Prospecting:

A - Attract	B - Bond	C - Close
A1 - Advertising	B1 - Comfort	C1 - Sales Presentation
A2 - Sorting	B2 - Connection	C2 - Objections/Resistance
A3 - Qualifying	B3 - Intimacy	C3 - Payment

Ran my advertising and had 3 voicemails to return.

M. from Tennessee
Went through all of the phases like clockwork and we seemed to get along, but when we got to B3, I told her the Rage to Master story and asked, "So, M., really the only question that matters is, do you have the Rage to Master?" She answered, "Well..." and then went on to describe how she was old and she didn't really want to work that hard.  I was so excited!!!!!  I was thrilled to have this "magic" way to disqualify someone!  Now I didn't have schedule her to the call, be on the call, follow up with her, and waste my time and energy hoping she'll get started.  I have never been so excited to get a "no"!  Wow.  What a great tool.

A. from New York

This guy and I hit it off really well.  We went through the whole process exactly as designed, and when I told him the Rage to Master story, he answered with a resounding "YES!"  What a difference from M!  So I scheduled him to the call--it's interesting to note that he resisted getting the information from someone else.  I think the method worked a little too well and he developed a little crush on me.  More evidence of that later.  Anyway, I followed up with him after the call.  Unfortunately, he didn't seem to "get it."  Perhaps because he was not a native English speaker?  Also, when we were talking it was right before the top of the hour (when the call started), so I didn't have a chance to frame him by telling him to "listen for"--will be sure to do that next time.  Anyway, I tried to do a 3-way with Solid, but got voicemail.  Again, when I mentioned to A. that I was bringing in someone else, he asked why I couldn't just answer his question--another indicator that he was a kind of stuck on me.  Sure, I have gotten this from prospects in the past, but I just had this vibe from A--you'll see why in a minute.  So I told A. that I thought he was confused and didn't understand the opportunity (otherwise he would jump at it--wouldn't anyone?) and suggested he visit my website to learn more (was also able to DHV by mentioning that I am in one of the company videos) and I said I would call him on Monday.  So Monday comes and I call him.  I had been thinking that the best way to deal with this guy is to use the takeaway--to see if he would argue and qualify himself.  So, when we talk, we chat for awhile and then I say, "You know, A., I was thinking about you over the weekend, and I, you know, I just don't think you would be a good fit for this business."  AND HE AGREED!  Interesting...we talked more and it turns out that he's into all these other deals and he has all these ideas--and I realize that he's just not that focussed.  He doesn't, in fact, have the Rage.  If he did, he would focus on one thing and not stop until he had mastered it.  When I called him on this, he whined about how I didn't understand what it was like to be an immigrant, how citizens have all these benefits that they don't, etc., etc.  Excuses, excuses.  Solid quoted someone to me the other day who said, "If you need an excuse, any one will do."

The good news is that since this guy is so in love with me, he is researching all about me and bought a copy of my book.  So...I was able to monetize him a little.  And he wants to remain in contact.  So there is still hope.

Irish from ?

Left message by mistake.  Not interested.

Field Report 2/9

Please note that I am now using the following abbreviations for the prospecting phases, similar to but different from the PUA equivalent. I am calling this ABC Prospecting:

A - Attract	B - Bond	C - Close
A1 - Advertising	B1 - Comfort	C1 - Sales Presentation
A2 - Sorting	B2 - Connection	C2 - Objections/Resistance
A3 - Qualifying	B3 - Intimacy	C3 - Payment

Ran my advertising and had 2 voicemails. Also called two people who had tried to contact me through my website--left one voicemail and had one conversation, which is described below:

G. from Louisiana

Disqualified at A2--was not looking for a business, just someone to talk to.

D. from Maryland

Had a tough time with this guy.  He likes to make jokes, talk cryptically--it was difficult to get serious answers from him during A2.  At the end of A2, he tried to break my frame by asking me about the business.  I responded by saying that, as he heard on my message, now was not the time to go into that.  Now is the time for us to get to know one another and see if we like each other and want to work together.  He apologized, and we proceeded with B1 questions.

Honestly, I didn't feel comfortable with B1 because, although we were joking a lot, I didn't feel like I was breaking through with him.  Didn't neg him, really, because I didn't feel a connection.  Although I never felt a solid B2, I proceeded with B3, which, to my surprise he answered deeply and honestly.  I could really feel in his voice how badly he wanted what he described.

I proceeded to Rage to Master and didn't really like his answer at first--he didn't say "YES!".  Rather, he proceeded to say that he didn't like that phrase and preferred to use "Message to Garcia."  Ultimately, though, he said, "Yes, that's me."

So, I scheduled him to the call, though I'm still not sure about him.

UPDATE:  D. called me back after the call and said, "I just wanted to call you back real quick because you were so nice and friendly..." (BINGO--This is exactly what the Bonding phase is about...getting the prospect to feel a sense of connection and therefore obligation to you.)  "But I'm not looking for an MLM."  Now, my gut reaction was to argue and say, "But we're not an MLM!"  Instead, thanks to my PUMA/PUA training, I said, "So what gave you the impression that we were an MLM?  What experience do you have with MLMs to be able to say that?"  He then backpeddled and said, "Well, you can call it whatever you want, but the idea is that you sell a product and you make money getting other people to sell a product, and that's just not for me."

Now, I could have just let him go, but instead I decided to take the conversation further and said, "So what is it that you're looking for?"  His answers shocked me.  He said stuff like "Well, I really want to help people," "I'm good on the phone," and--get this--he actually said that his dream business included doing "exactly what you do--talking to people about their problems, getting down to what they really want, and providing a solution."  Yes, he said the words "exactly what you do"!!  And when he said he hoped to move to Australia in the next year, I said, "So why wouldn't you want a business that is portable and that you can take with you all over the world?"

Sigh.  He just didn't get it.  And I guess I just have to leave it at that.  He just didn't get it.  That's just some people, I suppose.

S. from the Internet

Disqualified at A2.  Very negative, "disenchanted," was the word he used.  He has been unsuccessful in other deals (including mine, I think) and did not take any personal responsibility for it--blaming the business, people were lying about their success, etc.