Are PUAs Manipulators?

When I first found out about the community, I was fascinated and intrigued. I read everything I could get my hands on--including articles from women who think that the idea of pickup as an art is despicable.

These women believe that the heart of pickup is manipulation.

"It's deplorable," they say, "to learn techniques just to be able to get women into bed." Ad nauseam, they claim the old, worn out cry of "just be yourself" and insist that everything should just happen naturally.

From the beginning, long before I became PUMA, and certainly before I met any of these men personally, I was defending them.

What is wrong with trying to become the best person you can possibly be? What is wrong with learning to become the type of man women find attractive?

I know in my own life, there were many, many men who could have used the techniques that pickup artists teach. They would have been happier and more successful, and women (including myself) would have been happier to be around them.

The people who dismiss and condemn the seduction community fail to acknowledge one very important point: The women PUA's sleep with want and are willing to have sex!

In fact, they hope and dream of having sex. Women dream of men sweeping them off their feet. They dream of being romanced. They want to be attracted to someone who is attracted to them--they want to feel that comfort and connection. They want to trust someone enough to be able to open up and be intimate.

Seducing a woman is not raping her or forcing her to do something that she is not already willing to do under the right circumstances.

Recently I have become fascinated with a little book called The Art and Science of Personal Magnetism. Written in 1913 under the pseudonym of Theron Q. Dumont, this little gem is a fascinating look at the phenomenon of personal magnetism (which any reasonable person has to acknowledge exists), including the art of developing and controlling your own magnetism to the extent that you can influence others.

I have also been reading The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, which was recommended by Cuisine. In it, the author describes different "seducer types," providing historical examples of each. The idea is to read each type and determine which one most closely resembles yourself. Then later sections of the book teach you how to use your natural tendencies to achieve the desired outcome (namely, seduction of your intended "victim").

I discovered that I am a "Charmer"--one who gets their way by making those around them feel good about themselves. As the author predicted, when I came to the chapter, it literally jumped out at me, and to the very core of my being I thought, "Yes, this is me!"

The trouble was that although I immediately recognized that I am a charmer--and indeed I can charm just about anyone and get them to like me (and the tougher the case, the more satisfying it is!), I have never been able to charm someone into doing something--which has been especially frustrating in sales. They may like me, but they still resist me.

This realization had been troubling to me--so much so that I spent the bulk of my time at Knack's birthday party asking other PUAs how to overcome it. Discovering Knowledge gave me some pretty powerful advice (which I'll have to write about in another post), but it didn't resolve the core of the issue.

However, as I have been reading The Art and Science of Personal Magnetism, I realized that I had a conflicting desire that was preventing me from getting my way.

In metaphysics, one of the core beliefs is that we always get what we want. And if what we want is not showing up in our lives, that means we have a conflicting desire, or in other words, there is something (conscious or unconscious) that we want more that what we keep saying we want.

Here's an example. Let's say I want my husband to bring me flowers. I could very well say, "Dan, please buy me some flowers," and in all likelihood he would do it. However, it's not really that I want flowers, it's that I want HIM to WANT to bring me flowers. I want him to do it without me influencing him. So I don't say anything--instead, I just bemoan the fact that he never brings me flowers. My desire for the flowers is cancelled, because my desire for him to have the initiative is stronger.

And this is true in all aspects of my life--including my business. I want my prospects to get started and buy my products because they want to, not because I learned techniques to coerce them into doing so.

Consequently, I have been battling some internal demons about the morality of learning to control your personal energy in order to influence others.

So I spent some time pondering the solution to this problem.

After all, how could I ever become successful in business if I am not willing to learn the techniques I needed to become influential and successful?

And then it came to me.

Yet again, I found my answer in pick up.

What I failed to recognize is that the people that I talk to want to start a business. They want my life. They want what I have! (Who wouldn't?) Just like a women wants sex. In fact, they are hungry for it--they pray for it. But they want the conditions to be just right--they need to feel safe and comfortable.

And whether I want to get laid or paid, it's my job to create those conditions--to be that person they are looking for, to provide that environment that's going to allow them the space and freedom to open up and to finally be able to say...

"Yes! Yes! Oh, yes!"