StyleLife Challege Day 4

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

Mission 1: Hit the Showers

Clean. Shave. Tweeze. Done

Repeat affirmation in mirror. Done. AWESOME affirmation for PUAs and PUMAs. Funny how network marketing gurus have taught to look in the mirror and do affirmations, too, and yet I never did it. Too much pride.

Mission 2: Ask an Expert

Ask three women to recommend a cool local clothing store that carries menswear. The mission doesn't say specifically, but I assume these are supposed to be strangers.

I thought about how I could apply this and decided that at my basketball game today I would ask for shoe recommendations. Of course, if I want it to be strangers, it couldn't be people on my own team.

After the game I did talk to one person from the other team and we had a fairly long discussion about where to go, what to look for, etc. Score!

The next person (on the other team) I approached with "Do you play a musical instrument?" I thought I recognized her as someone I had met before, and we spent some time trying to place it (which we did). That conversation segued into a conversation about looking like other people we know.

Due to scheduling of the court, everyone left quickly and I didn't have another opportunity.

That night my family went out to dinner. When dinner was about over, I noticed that behind me was another couple that, due to a strange placement of the tables, was sitting unusally close to me. I turned around and said, "Gosh, I didn't know you were sitting so close--we could have been chatting this whole time!" They laughed and I turned around. Later I turned and asked them if they were going to see a movie (which was right next door). They said they had already seen one, and I got a movie recommendation! :o)

This challenge was very easy for me--I have never had a hard time meeting strangers. In fact, one of my best friends I met in a line in college. I just turned around and started talking. So my problem is not meeting people, but "monetizing" the conversation. So we'll see what future challenges bring.

Oh, and one more thing. I notice in retrospect that during the first two approaches (with players from the other time), I talked very fast--like I was apologetic for interrupting and didn't want to bother them. A demonstration of lower value! I will definitely work on this.

Mission 3: Stand Up Straight

Wall exercise. Video. Floor exercise. Done, done, and done. These are great exercises for me, as I do have a tendency to slouch--I'm kind of big boned and I have spent a lifetime trying to be smaller in ever way possible--in weight, posture, and social interactions! Good stuff.

StyleLife Challenge Day 3

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

[Yikes! There were a lot of missions for this one...took me a few days to get them all done.]

Mission 1: Adopt the Caveman Hygiene Method

OK, so I was not supposed to shave or take a shower today (Neil says we'll find out why tomorrow), and I did not do it! Two reasons:

1. Last week, I was sick and feeling miserable for two days in a row. I did not shower. I did not brush my teeth. Trust me, I know what it feels like to go without--it's a very recent memory.
2. Yesterday, before I went out to run my errands and accomplish my mission, I made the conscious decision not to put any cover up on this gigantic breakout on my face. I did this for a very specific reason--I'm usually very self-conscious of my looks (the need to be perfect), but before I left I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I was going to accomplish this mission despite looking terrible, just to prove that I could.

So hopefully, this will "count." I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Mission 2: Speak with Confidence

We were supposed to do 3 out of 5 exercises--I did 4 of them.

Problem: Low or Soft Voice

I was interested to see how this was going to turn out. I guess I do have a soft voice, as people often don't hear me when I say "excuse me" to pass by, etc. What the exercise taught me, though, is the power of voice. It's hard to describe, but as I was listening to the recording, I "understood" the concept of using the voice in a loud, powerful way, versus shouting--which lowers value. Interesting...for years my network marketing mentors have recommended that I/we tape phone conversations, but I was too proud (read stupid) to do it. But this exercise has helped me understand just how important it is...especially when our whole job is talking!

Problem: Fast Speech

This is another area I was interested in seeing how it turned out. Neil says that speaking fast makes speech slurred and unintelligible, but I have the gift of being able to speak fast and clearly. Still, when I read the passage very slowly, it was amazing how even I--who was listening to myself and knowing exactly what I was going to hear--was drawn in and almost on the edge of my seat. I never realized how powerful that is. I got an email from Lovedrop (I think) recently, lecturing about slowing down, too, but it took listening to myself to really get it.

Problem: Brain Farts

This is the one I didn't do. A couple months ago I did a radio interview, and when I got the recording, I was shocked and appalled at how many times I said "you know"! Oh yes, I'm well aware of my brain farts...and continue to work on them.

Problem: Monotone Voice

As an actor and a parent (read lots of children's stories VERY dramatically), I don't have a problem with this one!

Problem: Statements That Sound Like Questions

My first recording, I couldn't really tell--I listened to it a couple times. The second recording, though, when I was trying to be firm, I noticed at one point didn't sound firm at all! Sure enough, the vocal inflection when up when it should have gone down. I recorded it a third time and pretended I was Mystery. What a difference.

Mission 3: Find Mr. Moviefone

Call random strangers on the phone and try to get them to recommend a good movie. Neil says, "The point isn't just to talk to more strangers. It's to learn how to change the course of an interaction without making the person feel uncomfortable."

Oh my GOSH! This was soooo hard. Sheesh. If the challenge is so hard on day 3, what are the next 27 days going to be like? Ack!

I don't know why this was so hard for me--prospecting calls don't even bother me this much! But my heart was pounding, my hands were shaking...and I'm an actor, for pete's sake! But, I remembered Mystery's 3-second rule and just did it.

We could come up with the phone numbers however we want and say whatever we want...Neil gives some ideas in the book.

My first plan was to call people with my same name and pretend I was trying to find a family member. I made 8 calls and got 2 people on the phone. The first connection was an old woman who was just delighted to hear from me--"Our last name is so unusual, don't you think?" We chatted about where our family's were from, she told me about another man she once met with the same name, etc. etc. She finally told me she couldn't recommend a good movie. "Oh, I'm not up to date with those things."

The second person hung up on me.

My second (and final) plan (this was really getting to be too much!) was to take a friend's phone number and call variations of it. Then when they said it was a wrong number, I kept them on the phone by saying, "Oh, is this XXX-XXX-XXXX?" Then, when they said it was close, I said, "Well, can you recommend a good movie?"

I made 9 of these calls and connected with 3. All three of them laughed when the question seemed to come out of nowhere, but all 3 were willing to continue the conversation. Only 1 actually gave me the name of a movie--the other 2 just said they couldn't recommend one. One guy actually said, "I enjoyed talking to you" before we hung up the phone.

So...17 total calls...5 people on the phone...4 conversations...1 real movie recommendation.

Neil says, "Once you've received a movie recommendation from three separate people, consider today's mission successfully completed."

I guess I failed, but I am not going to do it again.

Mission 4: Hypno Time (optional)

Didn't do it. I'm already behind, and this was optional.

StyleLife Challege Day 2

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

Mission 1: Set Your Goals

1. What three accomplishments would you like to achieve to make you happier?

1. Become a master PUMA!
2. Have $2 million in investments.
3. Remodel my house until it is the house of my dreams.
4. (extra!) Create a space for positive, uplifting, inspiring live theater.

2. What are the reasons these accomplishments will make you happier?

1. Because I will have figured it out--put together the pieces of the puzzle and developed a skill that I can use to enrich my life and teach to others so they can do the same.
2. So that I can relax, live off of the interest, and never "work" another day if I don't want to
3. Because my home is a reflection of my soul. When my house is out of order or imperfect, I feel out of order and imperfect.
4. Theatre has had a major impact on my life--it has given me space to dream and helped me believe that I could accomplish anything. And yet, so much of theatre is dark, depressing, and comes from a place of angst. As more and more of our lives become cold, digital and distant in our society, I believe that live, visceral theatre will become more and more meaningful and impactful--something that can, and should, be harnessed for good.

3. What is your personal mission?

I will become a master "pick up money artist" (my role, maximum four words) who will easily, repeatedly attract money (my claim to fame, maximum four words) within 60 (number) days/weeks/years.

4. List three specific results that will let you know that you've accomplished your mission. (For example, "I will have earned $200,000," "I will have lost thirty pounds," or "I will have won five Academy Awards.")

1. I will have made (action verb) $50,000 (number) dollars (aspect).
2. I will have signed up (action verb) 3 (number) top level associates (aspect).
3. I will have been on the leader board (action verb) 2 (number) times (aspect).

5. Why are you now fully committed to pursuing your personal mission?

Because if I don't pursue it now, I will continue to suffer over the next years and

• my bank account (element/quality of life) will decrease/get worse/fail.
• my credit rating (element/quality of life) will decrease/get worse/fail.
• my reputation (element/quality of life) will decrease/get worse/fail.

But if I do purse it now, I will enjoy the next years and

• my stress level (element/quality of life) will increase/improve/come true.
• my marriage & family (element/quality of life) will increase/improve/come true.
• my zest for life (element/quality of life) will increase/improve/come true.

Mission 2: Look into Your Eyes

Listen to audio. Done. Interesting. Need to do it again after reviewing exercise above. Also need to do it in a place more conducive to NLP.

Mission 3: Look into Their Eyes

Make small talk with 5 strangers and look into their eyes. Write down their eye color.

I made it my goal to do this with 9 people today (since I still had 4 left from yesterday). Here are the results:

1. Guy held the door open for me at the bank. He said something first. I didn't see his eyes (but I know from his ethnicity that they were brown).
2. Guy in the lobby of the bank. Smiled and tried to catch his eye so I could say hi. Didn't look up.
3. Man on his way to the bathroom. Said hello. Blue.
4. Woman in the lobby of the bank. Said hello. Too far away to see her eyes.
5. Teller at the bank. Brown.
6. Receptionist at the bank. Brown.
7. Cashier at the grocery store. Brown.
8. Grocery helper. Caught his eye and smiled as I pulled the car up to the curb, but did not make eye contact (or small talk) when he was loading the groceries. Brown.
9. Supply store cashier. Small talk with a joke. Dang, forgot to look in her eyes.
10. Woman who offered me her cart. Didn't see her eyes.
11. Guy who wanted me to enter a drawing. He initiated the conversation. Didn't look in his eyes, but I know they were brown.
12. Store cashier. Brown.
13. Post office worker. Made her smile by commenting on her nails. Brown.
14. Post office supervisor. Blue.

I never realized how little I actually look in people's eyes. I really had to consciously choose to do it, and often forgot. Also, it would have been really easy to cheat with this exercise because it is so easy to guess eye color from certain ethnicities, but I didn't.

Mission 4: Hint for Tomorrow

Read tomorrow's exercise the moment you wake up. Will do.

Freaky Accurate

Took the free personal analysis on Neil Strauss' website (companion to The Rules of the Game) and found the results to be FREAKY ACCURATE!  He pegged me as "The Observer Guy."  Here's the description:

It's possible that you have tremendous knowledge, gained through the analysis of books, movies, games, and scientific research. You probably know far more than men who are more successful with women, but you can't seem to find opportunities to display your intellect and talent. One of your major obstacles is your inability to take action, which prevents you from accomplishing your social goals.

You can occasionally be found at the back of a social event clutching your drink and perhaps looking busy. You sometimes feel afraid to get out on the dance floor, or even to speak to strangers. You may watch your friends cavort on tables or drink body shots with women while you quietly nurse your drink. Often, you find yourself standing on the sidelines watching others have all the fun. 

Maybe there are times when you can't even muster the courage to get out of the house just for the opportunity to meet that special someone. You are generally considered shy. [I wouldn't say I'm shy in life, but in the context of making money, sales, etc., yes!]  Fear of rejection and validation keep you in your invisible Plexiglas box. You have a strong desire to be liked and accepted by others, but you have a tendency to not put your self on the line, thus closing your self off to the very thing you so desperately seek. 

There you are, sitting on a park bench as life passes you by. Your mind races constantly measuring the temperature of the situation to see if it's OK yet to dive in and take a social swim. Meanwhile, as you are sitting there, at least a dozen beautiful opportunities pass you by. At least you get to admire their backsides. As Grace Hopper said, "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." Time to start living your life to the fullest.

Yep.  Freaky!  Click here to take the test yourself.

StyleLife Challenge Day 1

From Rules of the Game:  Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

Mission 1:  Evaluate Yourself

1.  Write one or two sentences describing how you believe other people currently perceive you.

Bossy.  Intimidating.  Focussed.  Strong. 

2.  Write one or two sentences describing how you'd like to be perceived by others.

Magnetic.  Charismatic.  Inviting.  Fun. Friendly.

3.  List three of your behaviors or characteristics that you would like to change.

1.  I would like to have lots of energy, rather than feeling tired and using it as an excuse.

2.  I would like to be more focussed in my business and make it a top priority, rather than putting it off and letting things get in the way.

3.  I would like to be less serious and have more fun. 

4.  List three new behaviors or characteristics you would like to adopt.

1.  I would like to get up early and easily.

2.  I would like to be swimming in money.

3.  I would like a killer bod.

Mission 2:  Read and Destroy

Read article on limiting beliefs.  Done.

Mission 3:  Operation Small Talk

Make small talk with five strangers today.  Will have to do this tomorrow, as I'm not going out today. -->  Correction!  Just received a call from a telemarketer.  One down, four to go!

Field Report - R. from Ohio

So I had company for the longest time, and I was FINALLY ready to get out in the field, but I was attacked with massive approach anxiety. When I DID actually get on the phone, I only made one call. It was a low hanging apple, but it so beautifully followed the method, I wanted to be sure and document it here.

A1 - Advertising
R. found me via a yahoo group. I don't know what attracted her exactly, but she bought my ebook (something I had written for my niche) and immediately contacted me to find out more about the business. Unfortunately, I was in the middle of an emergency that ended up lasting right through the holidays, and then it was the holidays, and then I had company...so it had been months since her first IOI.

A2 - Sorting
We had been emailing back and forth for some time, "I haven't forgotten you, etc.," and then she emailed me (and filled out my contact form again!), REALLY wanting to talk to me about the business. About this time, the method really clicked and I realized I needed a good DHV story that indirectly told her 1) I have been in the business awhile, 2) I am successful, 3) I am a leader, 4) she wouldn't be alone/first, 5) I am selective/won't take just anyone. I knew immediately what story to use, so I emailed her the following:

Just as a heads up, the initial conversation is just to talk and make sure we like each other. One of my favorite memories in the business is sitting on the Spanish Steps in Rome, Italy eating gelato with a handful of my business associates. We had such an incredible time--we all felt like best friends...like family. I decided then and there that I would only work with people I had such a great connection with. Life is too short to spend time with people you don't like...wouldn't you agree? So tomorrow we'll chat for a few minutes, and if we find we like each other, we'll make an appointment for you to get some more information.

That story set the frame perfectly.

A3 - Qualifying
When we did talk, she told me she had a job, but I knew from her sig line that she also had her own business. When I asked her about it she said, "Well, not that I have time to do anything with it, but..." and she proceeded to tell me about her business. After we talked about that for a few minutes, I said, "So, if you don't have time for your current business, what makes you think that you're going to have time for a new one?" I now realize that THAT WAS THE PERFECT THING TO SAY. In fact, I now believe that an IOD like that is required in order to move from A2 to A3. Immediately after I said it, she began qualifying herself and investing herself in the conversation: telling me why this was going to be different, etc. etc.

Recently Solid told me some similar experiences with IODs and qualifying, too. One prospect said that she had quit a previous business and Solid said, "Well, I'm not looking to work with quitters," at which point the prospect started qualifying herself.

And here's an even more subtle example: During the initial A2 interview Solid asked a prospect if he had ever owned his own business before. When he said no, Solid said, "Hmm..." Immediately, the prospect started qualifying himself and telling Solid why he would be good at it, even if he'd never done it before, etc.!

Good stuff.

C1 - Comfort
This stage kind of meshes wth A2--general chit chat about life.

C2 - Connection
She and I both love to be organized and grew up with packrat moms--I told her we were siblings...separated at birth.

C3 - Intimacy
This is that magic moment -- it's a feeling...I can't describe it, you just know when you're there. It's that moment when it's not awkward at all to ask about the prospects dreams and desires. If you try and ask a personal question and they back off, go back to A2 and be more distant and aloof. Make them qualify themselves again.

Anyway, R. said that she just didn't want life to be so much a struggle, and I asked her a very important question: Have you ever felt that way before or is it only something you dream about? In her case, she said she had, and I asked her to describe it to me. When was it? What was it like? How did it feel? This is the KEY to C3--you must get them to actually feel what they want while they are talking to you. That associates the feeling with you.

S1 - Presentation
Normally, I would invite the prospect to attend the presentation by saying "A group of us are going to be...why don't you join us?" However, I wasn't going to be there, so I had to tease her a little bit with "I'm going to give you an assignment that I'm sure you'll be able to complete without my holding your hand." This is similar to Mystery's "role playing," which I'll have to write about in another post. She laughed and said yes, and I gave her the information to get on the call--being sure to tie in that feeling by telling her to pay attention to how the opportunity could provide that feeling.

And that, so far, is where the story ends. Since I wasn't going to be home that night, we made an appointment to talk the next day. When I called, she wasn't there and I had to leave a message.

As a BFC, I would be worried about that--"oh, no, not another one lost!" But, I knew that I had followed the system to a T and that the only explanation was that something had happened.

Sure enough, I got an email from her that night that said, "Hi! I am not ignoring you, but my secretary is off sick today so I am the only one in my office. I just know that if I get on the phone that will be the precise moment that a patient will call, so if I can't get ack to you here in the next little bit, I will ring you tomorrow! Thanks so much! The presentation was interesting, definitely something to think/talk about! It is pretty nice weather wise today. Sunny and about 36, so that is probably what you will be seeing tomorrow! :)"

Obviously the game is still on. I wrote back with,

No problem...I figured it was something like that. <-- non-neediness!

It was for the best, anyway. I'm on Day 2 of a three day dextox (fat flush!), and I feel MISERABLE. I had to drag myself out of bed to call you...ha ha ha! I have much more of an appreciation for you trying to quit smoking--withdrawal symptoms are the pits!!!! <-- reference to our comfort building conversation yesterday (C1)

Tomorrow at 11am the whole company is getting together to share our success stories. Why don't you join us? It's a lot of fun, and often pretty emotional to hear about other single moms, <-- reference to her own story

overworked executives, and even one couple who dug themselves out of poverty. <-- nipping the money excuse

I know you'll be at work, but it's the kind of thing you can listen to while you're doing other things. I'll set you up with the same access code you had for the presentation, just in case you can make it. Either way, give me a call sometime tomorrow when you get a chance. Have a great night! <-- again, non-neediness, come or don't, no big deal

Haven't heard back from her yet, but what if I had a dozen people I was comfortably romancing in this way? Awesome.

LAS VEGAS

According to Neil Strauss, aka Style and author of "The Game," women look for eight specific things when deciding who to mate with. The same can be said of prospects, and you can remember them with the acronym LAS VEGAS:

L - Looks. Looks are important, but only one piece of the puzzle. And genetic looks aren't really the more important thing. It's about being well-groomed, not sloppy and dirty.

A - Adaptability. Don't be uptight. Have humor and spontaneity. Don't mistake it for adventurous--you don't have to be adventurous, just adaptable.

S - Strength. Decisiveness, non-wussiness. They look for people who can take care of them, who can do stuff, who can get stuff done. Useful practical knowledge. Being assertive. Includes having values and moral strength. Certainty.

V - Value. Why should this person hang out with you? Join you? Want to be with you? What do you offer?

E - Emotional Connection. That magic factor. Chemistry.

G - Goals. Be a person who is going somewhere. Ambition.

A - Authenticity. Being congruent with your image. Who you are in the outside is who you are on the inside. Not fake.

S - Self Worth. Confidence. High status behavior. Non-neediness. Feeling worthy.