Major Frame Battle!

OK, so I don't have time to write a full field report, but I did want to jot down some notes about this one call. MAJOR FRAME BATTLE!

So the woman's husband answered the phone and immediately wanted to know who I was with. I told him I was calling from my home in Virginia, and she picked up the phone and wanted asked what company I was with. I responded by saying that it didn't matter at this point (mistake on my part--I should have just followed Dani's lead and said, "Grab a piece a paper and a pen"). She said, "Well, it does matter--if I'm interested in working from home, then I want to know what company you're with." I said, "OK, so you are looking to work from home--did I catch you at a good time for a 10-15 minute conversation?" She said, "Yea, I guess."

So I started with the A1 question--"What's the main reason you're looking to start a business of your own?" She said, "To bring in extra money." I SHOULD have said something about why a business and not a job, but instead I said, "Tell me more about that." She just repeated herself (clearly, I have no value in her eyes at this point) and laughed at something her husband said in the background.

I laughed and said, "What did he say?" And she said he said I was being evasive. So at that point I said, "Tell you what. I don't think we're ready to have this conversation. How about I give you my web address--there is a 2 minute movie there you can watch. And if you'd like to find out more, you can give me a call."

She said, "Fine" and I gave her the address, followed up with an email with the link.

Ack! I need to get better control of the frame.

5 Tips for Personal Transformation

As part of the StyleLife Challenge, I occasionally get emails from someone called "The Sneak"--a master PUA on Style's team. Today's email was particularly good and applicable to network marketing, so I thought I would post it here. No translation necessary, but I will say this: How would sales increase if we were to get in that head space where we "glow like we have a new haircut"?

5 Tips for Personal Transformation
by The Sneak

"Something is different about you," she said while peering at me with a quizzed look in her eye. She continued "It's that fresh look, like when you notice somebody got a haircut, but that can't be it, because your hair is the same as always. Maybe you grew taller. Wait, that doesn't make sense."

She couldn't put her finger on it, because "it" was so much more than a simple hair cut. She had witnessed me go from the busboy that silently cleaned the tables to the top server in the place who was making hundreds in cash tips a day and was secretly dating the hot manager after work.

That sounds like bragging, but sometimes the truth does. When I had moved to the city I was lost and lonely. I didn't have any friends, and I had no clue how to make any. Those days were behind me.

"Who was that girl I saw heading out on my way upstairs? I'm getting worried about you - always a new girl. You aren't turning into some kind of womanizer are you?"

A smirk crossed my face, "I love women. You know that, but no. I'm certainly not a womanizer."

"You've been working out. Is that it? Have you been working out?"

It was her closest guess yet. I had been working out, in a sense. Not lifting weights, but working every aspect of my life. I had been since I met Style months ago.

And apparently, by this point, I seemed to be shining with an inner confidence that bestowed me with the energy of a permanently fresh haircut. And the best part about this was that the improvement techniques I was using were freely available to anyone who wanted them.

You don't have to be born with any specific talent, but you must be prepared to work to rise to the top of your personal capabilities. Here are 5 tips to get you started:


TIP #1: Embrace the Pain

The superstar is vulnerable. Your mind, body, and emotions will all be exposed in this process. There will be bumps and bruises along the way but in the end you will heal and be stronger. It is ok to fear this pain, but you must be ready to push past it and continue on. The superstar does not quit.

To quote Style, who was quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger, "The last three or four reps is what makes the muscles grow. This area of pain divides a champion from someone who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens."

Make the personal vow to embrace that pain right now and you will be one step closer to superstardom.


TIP #2: Take Off the Lid

The vast majority of limitations are self-imposed. Carefully monitor your own thoughts. When your inner voice mentions a limitation, acknowledge that this is likely a self-imposed ceiling. As you will see in time, once you stop questioning what you can and cannot achieve, you will frequently find yourself performing feats that before you didn't even think possible.

Start monitoring your limiting beliefs today and begin to see what you are really capable of.


TIP #3: Understand that Obstacles are Part of the Journey

Nobody gets a smooth ride. Every now and then we all face challenges, and we all hit walls. While facing death, Professor Randy Pausch explained in his now famous last lecture that those walls are there for a specific purpose.

They are made to keep all of those who don't want it badly enough OUT. You however are the exception. You will find a way to continue forward and make it past that wall.


TIP #4: Be a Beginner and Be an Expert

Always be humble, you are never too advanced to learn something new. Always be confident, know you are worthy of even the highest level of secret information.

When working at developing any skill, bear in mind you're never above the fundamentals, yet keep your ears perked for expert level tips as well. Keep an open mind and be ready to learn at every opportunity.


Tip #5: Dream BIG

Yes, setting reasonable goals for yourself that you know you can achieve and incrementing those goals into small chunks. That is important for the average person...BUT the superstar must strike the perfect balance. Remember today's second tip, you cannot limit yourself.

Take a moment and ask yourself "What did I want to be when I grew up?" Did you answer an astronaut or professional sports player? You need to reactivate the dreamer part of your personality.

Ask yourself, what are your dreams NOW...because you must have those dreams to bring them into reality. And you can. And you will.

Never Argue

This is normally the type of thing that Solid and I would talk about on our call, but she has been busy with other things lately, and we haven't had a chance to chat--so I thought I would just jot this down real quick.

Yesterday at church, one of the counselors in the bishopric told an interesting story, and yet again I thought how well life reflects the art of seduction.

Brother C. said that when he was young he had a stake president who was very stoic. He was somber, rarely cracked a smile, and was kind of scary and intimidating to a teenager.

So when the Brother C. went in for his missionary interview, he was a little on edge.

During the interview the stake president looked Brother C. in the eye and asked him pointedly, "So Elder, you're on your mission and your companion announces one day that he is going to go to the movies. What do you do?"

Brother C. said that he gave what he thought was the right answer, "Oh, I would NEVER go to the movies--absolutely not. I would refuse."

To which the stake president replied, "Wrong answer. Never leave your companion. You tell the elder that you will go with him to the movies, but after it's over he will have 5 minutes, and either he will call the mission president or you will."

Fast forward one year and Brother C. found himself on his mission, in his white shirt and tie, on the subway with his companion, in jeans, high top sneakers, and a cowboy hat, headed toward a bad situation.

All the arguing the world would not convince this companion to stop what he was about to do.

Suddenly, Brother C. remembered the words of his stake president and he said, "Elder, you go ahead and go, and I'll go with you. But five minutes after it's over, either you'll call the mission president or I will."

The companion was angry, but at the next subway stop he got off and headed back home.

This story reminded me of Mystery's last minute backout technique of agreement. He says that whenever you argue with someone, you give them traction to strengthen their own side.

So, when a girl says, "We should stop--my parents will hear us," instead of saying, "Don't worry, they can't hear us," you should say, "You're absolutely right, we should stop"--and keep going. Let HER be the one to put on the brakes.

What I learned from Brother C's story is that refusing to argue can be used not only to get what you DO want, but also to prevent what you DON'T want.

Moral: Never argue. Period.

Field Report - Kristen

Please note that I am now using the following abbreviations for the prospecting phases, similar to but different from the PUA equivalent. I am calling this ABC Prospecting:

A - Attract	B - Bond	C - Close
A1 - Advertising	B1 - Comfort	C1 - Sales Presentation
A2 - Sorting	B2 - Connection	C2 - Follow Up
A3 - Qualifying	B3 - Intimacy	C3 - Payment

I just got off the phone with Kristen, and I wanted to write this up real quick--it's a perfect example of what not to do!  Ack!  OK, maybe it wasn't that bad.  Here's what happened:

When someone has clicked on my website, but not opted in, I send them a postcard at the end of the month. Kristen called because she had received the postcard.  She was very guarded and said, "I got a postcard and it said to call you."

I had not prepared for such a call! I said, "How're you doing today?" And she said, "Fine." -- very guarded. I said, "Really? You sound a little tired or something." She laughed, I said, "Ah! I got you to laugh...that's good." (I'm still scrambling to get my bearings and collect my notes). "So what do you do now?," I asked. She said "I watch my 4 year old, and it doesn't pay very well." We both laughed, and I followed up with "Do you have any other kids?" And we talked about that for a little bit. Notice what I was doing wrong here --> I TOTALLY skipped the attraction phase and tried to build comfort! Of course she was guarded! She had no investment in the interaction. She had no reason to be on her best behavior.

Eventually, I got set up and back tracked to A1 questions: So what attracted you to my postcard...what made you want to call me? By then, however, she had lost trust in me and started badgering me with questions. "What is this? The postcard doesn't say anything." I told her there was a website on the front of the card and then said, "Let me just back up a little bit and tell you why you got the card." After I did that I said, "So Kristen, since the ad you responded to was pretty general, let me tell you a little but about me and what I'm looking for, then we can see if we might have a good fit here. Sound good?"

"Okay..." -- very guarded.

So I went into my little pitch, which included a DHV spike, and ended with "What I'm really looking for is..." and "Does that sound like you?"

She said, "What is it?"

I said again, "Does that sound like you?"

She said, "No, not really." So I said, "OK, then what I would recommend is that you visit the website on the front of the card, find out a little bit more about me and what I'm about, and if you find that you want to talk again, you have my number."

She said, "OK, sounds good." Now she seemed very happy (because I didn't try to sell her or convince her of anything? possibly...), and she wished me a good day.

Yikes! What could I have done differently?

Well, I should have immediately taken control of the frame. I could have asked, "Kristen, is the postcard addressed to you?" If so, I could have made her wait while I pulled up her record. If no, I could have pulled up the person it WAS addressed to and changed it. Then when I asked her "And why did you want to talk to me today (what attracted you to the card, etc.)?" Then, "And what's the main reason you're looking for a business of your own?"

THEN I could have responded with "Let me tell you a little bit about me and what I'm looking for..."

She may have had the same reaction...still answered no to "Does that sound like you?"...but at least I wouldn't feel so yucky. At least I would have been in control.

Ah well, live and learn. Or live and calibrate, as Mystery would say.

Play Solid Game

Yesterday Solid asked me on our call about what to do/say in a follow-up/closing conversation--and I realized we hadn't figured that out yet! So I started reading some of my favorite books for the answer. In reading about Mid-Game and End-Game in The Mystery Method, I ran across the following. Mystery is talking about LMR (Last Minute Resistance), but it is amazingly applicable, of course, to reasons why you may not make a sale (or encounter objections), when everything seemed to be going to well. PUMA translations in [green].

Play Solid Game

Her emotional circuitry is designed to select for a high-value man whom she trusts and with whom she pairbonds [the same is true for us--a prospect needs to value us and trust us]. If your game is tight, last-minute resistance will be greatly reduced as an issue. So examine your basic game:

• Are you a healthy, ambitious, socially comfortable person?
• Do you convey a lack of neediness at all times?
• Have you otherwise demonstrated value via preselection [they know that other people have worked with you--this can be fellow associates, it doesn't have to be a downline "team" (they won't know the difference)], the leader-of-men switch (social intelligence and social proof), emotional stimulation, frame control, and so on?
• Has she chased [qualified] and otherwise invested in the interaction?
• Have you been compliance testing? Do you have kino escalation and compliance? [Sorry, haven't figured out an analogy for kino (touching)!]
• Does she feel that she has earned your interest? [Again, qualifying/proving herself--understanding that you don't just take anyone.]
• Have you built comfort and trust, and a sense of connection, over seven hours [not sure that it takes this long in network marketing--haven't tested it] and several venue changes ["venue" changes include your advertising, your initial conversation, the presentation, and the follow up]?

P.S. Use of the term "Solid Game" has nothing to do with my pal, Solid. :o)

Michael Jordan Quote

Here is the Michael Jordan quote I mentioned on our call yesterday:

I've missed more than nine thousand shots in my career. I've lost almost three hundred games. Twenty-six times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that's why I succeed.

See also some great Mystery quotes in my post on Process Over Outcome.

It really is just about practicing over and over and over.

4 Attraction Switches

This is the Mystery video that Solid and I were talking about the other day on our call. In addition to indicators of interest, Mystery defines four "attraction switches" that are hard wired into women. If you can demonstrate these four qualities, a woman will automatically be attracted to you--she can't help it...it's instinct. They are:

1. pre-selection by other women (having other clients besides them)
2. leader of men
3. protector of loved ones
4. willingness to emote (not being fake and happy all the time--being real)

Are these the same attraction switches for prospects? I think they are.


By the way, watch the girl on Mystery's left. Solid said the first time she watched this video, she was distracted and annoyed by all the stuff going on in the room. But after I told her to watch for the attraction switches, she decided to watch it again and ONLY watch the girls. Notice how the girl on the left never moves--until Mystery negs her. Then suddenly she is fidgety and can't keep her hands off herself. Disinterest is pretty powerful stuff!