StyleLife Challenge Day 6

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

I am meeting Neil tonight at the book signing for his new book, Emergency: This Book Will Save Your Life. Better get back on track!

Mission 1: Conquering AA (Approach Anxiety)

Read briefing. Done.

Mission 2: If You Can't Say Something Nice...

Give four women spontaneous compliments.

When I first started this blog, I tried to hide the fact that I am a woman. Then Solid came on board and we started doing our call, and, of course, it became impossible to hide. So, now that I'm out, I can admit that this mission was very easy for me--in fact, girls do this all the time.

Since we are always trying to attract men, we pay attention to what other women do that are attractive. We notice them and often comment on them. "Oh my gosh--cute bag!" And often even try and help each other. "Thanks! I got it at this store in Georgetown...I know it looks like Gucci, but it's not...here--I'll show you the lining...that's the only way you can tell."

So since reading this chapter, I have complimented LOTS of women--and some men, too. The conversation about the bag was real. Plus, I have commented on hair, smiles, energy, and I don't know what all--I can't keep track.

In retrospect, what I SHOULD have done is forced myself to compliment someone who I felt intimidated by--either because they didn't look friendly or because they were super attractive or appeared wealthy (those are my hangups).

Going forward, I'll make more of a concentrated effort to do this and break out of my comfort zone--which is the purpose of the challenge anyway.

Mission 3: The Eight-hour Rule

Get a good night's sleep. Done. (Was having trouble sleeping, then I got sick (perhaps because I wasn't sleeping!), but now I seem to be back on track.)

StyleLife Challenge Day 5

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

Yikes! I am soooo behind in this. So much for mastering it in 30 days! Just the missions is a good reminder that I need to be well groomed always--so much for spending the day in my robe, like I mentioned on our call. Anyway, back on track. I finished Mission 1 awhile ago. The rest are more recent.

Mission 1: Here Comes the Groom

Read briefing. Perform at least one item.

This was a great one for me, because I will admit I have gotten VERY lax about my grooming--it's so easy when you do all your work on the phone. I mean, I take a shower every day and brush my teeth, of course, but I haven't really gone beyond that.

This morning I shaved (even though I shaved yesterday), I did body sugar scrub, gave myself two facials, tweezed some eyebrow hair, brushed and flossed my teeth, and got dressed WITH shoes. I have to admit, I feel like a million bucks. It is definitely time to start doing this every day (well, maybe not to the full extent!). How you feel certainly affects how you act. Again, stuff I've been told many times before, but never took seriously.

BTW, another thing on the list is to get a pedicure. My feet have been so rough this winter that I have been loooonging to get one. Now I have it as an assignment! Woo hoo! I will get one THIS WEEK. Yay!!!!!

Oh, and two other things on the list are to exercise and eat healthier. Done!

Mission 2: Make a Change

Get a free style consultation.

This is something I am definitely looking forward to doing after I have slimmed down--I often feel quite frumpy and would like to look more polished on a regular basis.  I am losing weight and working on my body consistently in order to gear up for an 800 mile bike ride that I'll be participating in in September.  It's going to be a huge media event, and I will be spending a lot of time in front of the camera--both for print and TV--so I want to look my best.  I already have someone in mind whose style I admire that I plan to ask to help me shop this summer.  But I'm not waiting until I have lost all the weight to start improving.  I've already begun to open up to women I admire and compliment them on their style.  It's amazing how that mission about asking for shoe advice really helped.

[BTW, guess what?  The girl I asked about the shoes came up to me at our game last week and said, "You know, I have an extra pair of shoes that you can have, if you want--I don't know why I didn't think about it when we were talking last week."  Right on!  She just saved me $100!!!!]

Anyway, I did send a rather embarrassing email (this whole challenge is about breaking out of your comfort zone, right?) to a friend of mine who always looks so put together.  I asked her once why she always looked so good even late in the day, and she said, "Well, I freshen."

My mother was a tomboy, so I never learned these girly things, so I asked my friend how often she "freshens" and what all she does.  I haven't heard back yet--I'm interested to hear what she says.

Mission 3

Brush up on one of the previous exercises--visualization, affirmation, posture, etc.  Done.  I have done the affirmation in the mirror several times--it's really good.  Have also been focusing on my posture.

Mission 4

Lay out any new clothes for tomorrow's mission.  n/a -- no new clothes yet.

StyleLife Challege Day 4

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

Mission 1: Hit the Showers

Clean. Shave. Tweeze. Done

Repeat affirmation in mirror. Done. AWESOME affirmation for PUAs and PUMAs. Funny how network marketing gurus have taught to look in the mirror and do affirmations, too, and yet I never did it. Too much pride.

Mission 2: Ask an Expert

Ask three women to recommend a cool local clothing store that carries menswear. The mission doesn't say specifically, but I assume these are supposed to be strangers.

I thought about how I could apply this and decided that at my basketball game today I would ask for shoe recommendations. Of course, if I want it to be strangers, it couldn't be people on my own team.

After the game I did talk to one person from the other team and we had a fairly long discussion about where to go, what to look for, etc. Score!

The next person (on the other team) I approached with "Do you play a musical instrument?" I thought I recognized her as someone I had met before, and we spent some time trying to place it (which we did). That conversation segued into a conversation about looking like other people we know.

Due to scheduling of the court, everyone left quickly and I didn't have another opportunity.

That night my family went out to dinner. When dinner was about over, I noticed that behind me was another couple that, due to a strange placement of the tables, was sitting unusally close to me. I turned around and said, "Gosh, I didn't know you were sitting so close--we could have been chatting this whole time!" They laughed and I turned around. Later I turned and asked them if they were going to see a movie (which was right next door). They said they had already seen one, and I got a movie recommendation! :o)

This challenge was very easy for me--I have never had a hard time meeting strangers. In fact, one of my best friends I met in a line in college. I just turned around and started talking. So my problem is not meeting people, but "monetizing" the conversation. So we'll see what future challenges bring.

Oh, and one more thing. I notice in retrospect that during the first two approaches (with players from the other time), I talked very fast--like I was apologetic for interrupting and didn't want to bother them. A demonstration of lower value! I will definitely work on this.

Mission 3: Stand Up Straight

Wall exercise. Video. Floor exercise. Done, done, and done. These are great exercises for me, as I do have a tendency to slouch--I'm kind of big boned and I have spent a lifetime trying to be smaller in ever way possible--in weight, posture, and social interactions! Good stuff.

StyleLife Challenge Day 3

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

[Yikes! There were a lot of missions for this one...took me a few days to get them all done.]

Mission 1: Adopt the Caveman Hygiene Method

OK, so I was not supposed to shave or take a shower today (Neil says we'll find out why tomorrow), and I did not do it! Two reasons:

1. Last week, I was sick and feeling miserable for two days in a row. I did not shower. I did not brush my teeth. Trust me, I know what it feels like to go without--it's a very recent memory.
2. Yesterday, before I went out to run my errands and accomplish my mission, I made the conscious decision not to put any cover up on this gigantic breakout on my face. I did this for a very specific reason--I'm usually very self-conscious of my looks (the need to be perfect), but before I left I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I was going to accomplish this mission despite looking terrible, just to prove that I could.

So hopefully, this will "count." I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Mission 2: Speak with Confidence

We were supposed to do 3 out of 5 exercises--I did 4 of them.

Problem: Low or Soft Voice

I was interested to see how this was going to turn out. I guess I do have a soft voice, as people often don't hear me when I say "excuse me" to pass by, etc. What the exercise taught me, though, is the power of voice. It's hard to describe, but as I was listening to the recording, I "understood" the concept of using the voice in a loud, powerful way, versus shouting--which lowers value. Interesting...for years my network marketing mentors have recommended that I/we tape phone conversations, but I was too proud (read stupid) to do it. But this exercise has helped me understand just how important it is...especially when our whole job is talking!

Problem: Fast Speech

This is another area I was interested in seeing how it turned out. Neil says that speaking fast makes speech slurred and unintelligible, but I have the gift of being able to speak fast and clearly. Still, when I read the passage very slowly, it was amazing how even I--who was listening to myself and knowing exactly what I was going to hear--was drawn in and almost on the edge of my seat. I never realized how powerful that is. I got an email from Lovedrop (I think) recently, lecturing about slowing down, too, but it took listening to myself to really get it.

Problem: Brain Farts

This is the one I didn't do. A couple months ago I did a radio interview, and when I got the recording, I was shocked and appalled at how many times I said "you know"! Oh yes, I'm well aware of my brain farts...and continue to work on them.

Problem: Monotone Voice

As an actor and a parent (read lots of children's stories VERY dramatically), I don't have a problem with this one!

Problem: Statements That Sound Like Questions

My first recording, I couldn't really tell--I listened to it a couple times. The second recording, though, when I was trying to be firm, I noticed at one point didn't sound firm at all! Sure enough, the vocal inflection when up when it should have gone down. I recorded it a third time and pretended I was Mystery. What a difference.

Mission 3: Find Mr. Moviefone

Call random strangers on the phone and try to get them to recommend a good movie. Neil says, "The point isn't just to talk to more strangers. It's to learn how to change the course of an interaction without making the person feel uncomfortable."

Oh my GOSH! This was soooo hard. Sheesh. If the challenge is so hard on day 3, what are the next 27 days going to be like? Ack!

I don't know why this was so hard for me--prospecting calls don't even bother me this much! But my heart was pounding, my hands were shaking...and I'm an actor, for pete's sake! But, I remembered Mystery's 3-second rule and just did it.

We could come up with the phone numbers however we want and say whatever we want...Neil gives some ideas in the book.

My first plan was to call people with my same name and pretend I was trying to find a family member. I made 8 calls and got 2 people on the phone. The first connection was an old woman who was just delighted to hear from me--"Our last name is so unusual, don't you think?" We chatted about where our family's were from, she told me about another man she once met with the same name, etc. etc. She finally told me she couldn't recommend a good movie. "Oh, I'm not up to date with those things."

The second person hung up on me.

My second (and final) plan (this was really getting to be too much!) was to take a friend's phone number and call variations of it. Then when they said it was a wrong number, I kept them on the phone by saying, "Oh, is this XXX-XXX-XXXX?" Then, when they said it was close, I said, "Well, can you recommend a good movie?"

I made 9 of these calls and connected with 3. All three of them laughed when the question seemed to come out of nowhere, but all 3 were willing to continue the conversation. Only 1 actually gave me the name of a movie--the other 2 just said they couldn't recommend one. One guy actually said, "I enjoyed talking to you" before we hung up the phone.

So...17 total calls...5 people on the phone...4 conversations...1 real movie recommendation.

Neil says, "Once you've received a movie recommendation from three separate people, consider today's mission successfully completed."

I guess I failed, but I am not going to do it again.

Mission 4: Hypno Time (optional)

Didn't do it. I'm already behind, and this was optional.

StyleLife Challege Day 2

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

Mission 1: Set Your Goals

1. What three accomplishments would you like to achieve to make you happier?

1. Become a master PUMA!
2. Have $2 million in investments.
3. Remodel my house until it is the house of my dreams.
4. (extra!) Create a space for positive, uplifting, inspiring live theater.

2. What are the reasons these accomplishments will make you happier?

1. Because I will have figured it out--put together the pieces of the puzzle and developed a skill that I can use to enrich my life and teach to others so they can do the same.
2. So that I can relax, live off of the interest, and never "work" another day if I don't want to
3. Because my home is a reflection of my soul. When my house is out of order or imperfect, I feel out of order and imperfect.
4. Theatre has had a major impact on my life--it has given me space to dream and helped me believe that I could accomplish anything. And yet, so much of theatre is dark, depressing, and comes from a place of angst. As more and more of our lives become cold, digital and distant in our society, I believe that live, visceral theatre will become more and more meaningful and impactful--something that can, and should, be harnessed for good.

3. What is your personal mission?

I will become a master "pick up money artist" (my role, maximum four words) who will easily, repeatedly attract money (my claim to fame, maximum four words) within 60 (number) days/weeks/years.

4. List three specific results that will let you know that you've accomplished your mission. (For example, "I will have earned $200,000," "I will have lost thirty pounds," or "I will have won five Academy Awards.")

1. I will have made (action verb) $50,000 (number) dollars (aspect).
2. I will have signed up (action verb) 3 (number) top level associates (aspect).
3. I will have been on the leader board (action verb) 2 (number) times (aspect).

5. Why are you now fully committed to pursuing your personal mission?

Because if I don't pursue it now, I will continue to suffer over the next years and

• my bank account (element/quality of life) will decrease/get worse/fail.
• my credit rating (element/quality of life) will decrease/get worse/fail.
• my reputation (element/quality of life) will decrease/get worse/fail.

But if I do purse it now, I will enjoy the next years and

• my stress level (element/quality of life) will increase/improve/come true.
• my marriage & family (element/quality of life) will increase/improve/come true.
• my zest for life (element/quality of life) will increase/improve/come true.

Mission 2: Look into Your Eyes

Listen to audio. Done. Interesting. Need to do it again after reviewing exercise above. Also need to do it in a place more conducive to NLP.

Mission 3: Look into Their Eyes

Make small talk with 5 strangers and look into their eyes. Write down their eye color.

I made it my goal to do this with 9 people today (since I still had 4 left from yesterday). Here are the results:

1. Guy held the door open for me at the bank. He said something first. I didn't see his eyes (but I know from his ethnicity that they were brown).
2. Guy in the lobby of the bank. Smiled and tried to catch his eye so I could say hi. Didn't look up.
3. Man on his way to the bathroom. Said hello. Blue.
4. Woman in the lobby of the bank. Said hello. Too far away to see her eyes.
5. Teller at the bank. Brown.
6. Receptionist at the bank. Brown.
7. Cashier at the grocery store. Brown.
8. Grocery helper. Caught his eye and smiled as I pulled the car up to the curb, but did not make eye contact (or small talk) when he was loading the groceries. Brown.
9. Supply store cashier. Small talk with a joke. Dang, forgot to look in her eyes.
10. Woman who offered me her cart. Didn't see her eyes.
11. Guy who wanted me to enter a drawing. He initiated the conversation. Didn't look in his eyes, but I know they were brown.
12. Store cashier. Brown.
13. Post office worker. Made her smile by commenting on her nails. Brown.
14. Post office supervisor. Blue.

I never realized how little I actually look in people's eyes. I really had to consciously choose to do it, and often forgot. Also, it would have been really easy to cheat with this exercise because it is so easy to guess eye color from certain ethnicities, but I didn't.

Mission 4: Hint for Tomorrow

Read tomorrow's exercise the moment you wake up. Will do.

StyleLife Challenge Day 1

From Rules of the Game:  Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

Mission 1:  Evaluate Yourself

1.  Write one or two sentences describing how you believe other people currently perceive you.

Bossy.  Intimidating.  Focussed.  Strong. 

2.  Write one or two sentences describing how you'd like to be perceived by others.

Magnetic.  Charismatic.  Inviting.  Fun. Friendly.

3.  List three of your behaviors or characteristics that you would like to change.

1.  I would like to have lots of energy, rather than feeling tired and using it as an excuse.

2.  I would like to be more focussed in my business and make it a top priority, rather than putting it off and letting things get in the way.

3.  I would like to be less serious and have more fun. 

4.  List three new behaviors or characteristics you would like to adopt.

1.  I would like to get up early and easily.

2.  I would like to be swimming in money.

3.  I would like a killer bod.

Mission 2:  Read and Destroy

Read article on limiting beliefs.  Done.

Mission 3:  Operation Small Talk

Make small talk with five strangers today.  Will have to do this tomorrow, as I'm not going out today. -->  Correction!  Just received a call from a telemarketer.  One down, four to go!