How to Roll

At the Neil Strauss event, Cuisine told me about Knack--who is one of the master coaches at Venusian Arts. I looked him up on YouTube and found this great series about Mystery's new product, Revelation.

This particular video (which is Part 4 of 7) really struck me as being applicable to network marketing, so I thought I would post it here. At the end of the previous video, Knack introduces the topic of "How to Roll"--basically, he says, "how to get your life really going."

Number one is obviously to GET OUT AND DO IT! (Sounds like he's talking to network marketers who won't pick up the phone...).

But, he says (and excuse my language, I'm quoting here...) "And don't just do game shit--get out and do non-game shit."

Of course, this is what we hear from our leaders all the time--the more you enjoy your life, the more attractive and successful you will be. Do fun stuff. Be a fun person. Knack says, "Even if you're not going to do pickup, go out and be alive, man--go out and be alive."

The next video covers the rest of the bullets:

• Practice your game
• Improve your avatar
• Social proof
• Be observed
• Your way of being

I especially love the last few seconds: "Who do you want to go into business with?"

Meeting Neil Strauss

So last night I went to the book signing for Neil Strauss' (aka Style, author of The Game) new book, EMERGENCY: This Book Will Save Your Life. OH MY GOSH I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME!!!!!!!!!!

My husband predicted that I would be the only female there, and he was right--though a handful of other women did show up later.

As fate would have it, I ended up sitting next to Cuisine from Venusian Arts--the only day game coach in the company. He was amazing. Very chatty, and definitely in his element--he found out about me and the website and he made it his business to introduce me to a bunch of guys that he thought I might want to talk to or that might want to talk to me. It was awesome!

Almost all of the guys there were from the community, which wasn't surprising. I was curious about how Neil was going to tie in PUA to his new book, because they didn't seem related at all. Having a current list of people who like you and buy your stuff is one of the keys to business success, but I had read excerpts on Tim Ferriss' blog, and I just couldn't see the connection.

But when Neil arrived, he cleared that up immediately. "Basically, there's school, and there's life," he said, "Both The Game and Emergency are about stuff you don't learn in school." He said that both of his books were about stuff he wanted to learn about for him personally and that he just got so into it and learned so much that he had to write a book about it.

When it came time for questions, he said he would answer things about any of his books, so naturally there were some PUA questions. But there were also questions about his adventures with Marilyn Manson and Mötley Crüe. I wanted to know about his next project (hoping he would say that he didn't have one, so I could suggest... :o).

I said, "You struck me as..."

To which he interrupted, "I STRUCK you?"

Everyone laughed as I tried to think of something witty to say. Unfortunately, my brain froze, so I just continued, "You seem to be someone who likes to solve problems--what's the next problem you're going to solve?"

He said, "Life balance." And then he went on to talk about how crazy his life is and how he really needs to slow down, but he doesn't think that's going to happen any time soon.

Too funny, since that's my primary business--as an author and life management consultant, that's what I do. But I couldn't tell him that, because I was there in disguise! Ha ha ha! :o)

After questions, we all got in line. I had bought the new book, so I had priority, but I was busy talking, so I ended up being almost last in the priority line.

It turned out great, though, because I spent a LOT of time talking with the guys in line--probably 10 of them. IT WAS SO REFRESHING to talk to people who speak my language! I have been so alone in this project for so long. Even when Solid was on board, I had to do much of the explaining because she just wasn't as into it as I am. But last night I got to be in a room full of men who were really learning and applying this stuff. And I got to talk to them! And ask them questions!

And because all these guys were really in the business of improving themselves and learning to have good social skills, be open and friendly, and tell stories--they were so fun to talk to and I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME!!!!!!!

It was just awesome. I was on Cloud Nine and still am. Now the question is how can I recreate that? I can't go to a bootcamp--I think a 40 year old woman would stick out. I can't hang out with them in bars--they will be busy gaming. Perhaps it was just a once in a lifetime bubble of opportunity. Sigh...

Well, the good news is that l used my gaming skills to get Cuisine's contact info. And I also met a guy who works in marketing that would be fun to talk to. I got his contact info, too.

So, we'll see. For now I'll just have to go back to sarging on my own, reading what I can, field testing, and trying to apply these skills to my business.

Oh! I guess I forgot to write about actually meeting Neil!

So I had been racking my brain about what to wear or do to get his attention. I wanted him to remember me, so I had to peacock--do something unusual. I thought about various things--wearing something on my head, wearing long gloves, putting a temporary tattoo on my neck or chest. I even thought about noseraping him when I got up to the table (that would have earned his respect!).

What I ultimately decided was to wear big button with PUMA and my avatar on it. That was a great idea because many of the guys asked me about it or mentioned it after I told them my name. (It also helped that I had some cleavage right next to the button ;o)

When I got up to see Neil, he said, "Let me guess--you're PUMA."

I said "Wow, how did you know, are you (brain freeze while he and his girlfriend stared at me) psychic?"

They said, "Um, no, it's on your shirt." Duh. Did they think I didn't know?

Anyway, as he was writing in my book (I bought Emergency, but I really wanted him to sign my Rules of the Game book, which he did--"To PUMA--On behalf of all men, I apologize... Neil Strauss."), I asked him if Sneak had told him I was coming.

I could tell that hooked him a little and he said, "No, how do you know Sneak?" And then he added (more guarded), "Or, did you just email him?"

I said I had emailed him, because I thought you would be interested in my website. He asked me what it was and I told him (selling "in the style of Mystery, Style, and Ross Jeffries"!), and we chatted a little bit about similarities and borrowed terms.

In another effort to help him remember me, I had also brought a big chocolate bar, which I wrapped in a paper that said, "Chocolate for You, Compliments of PUMA -- www.SexAndSelling.com" I gave it to him and he said, "That's a great idea [referring to the chocolate]. I am definitely going to visit your website." Woo hoo!!!!

BTW, I also handwrote on the back, "Neil/Style--Thanks for inspiring me! Call me sometime: (my number)" And I tucked a card in under the wrapper. Bold!

Anyway, that's the scoop. It was fantastic. I am excited. Life rocks!!!!!!!!! :o)

StyleLife Challenge Day 6

From Rules of the Game: Master the Game in 30 Days by Neil Strauss.

I am meeting Neil tonight at the book signing for his new book, Emergency: This Book Will Save Your Life. Better get back on track!

Mission 1: Conquering AA (Approach Anxiety)

Read briefing. Done.

Mission 2: If You Can't Say Something Nice...

Give four women spontaneous compliments.

When I first started this blog, I tried to hide the fact that I am a woman. Then Solid came on board and we started doing our call, and, of course, it became impossible to hide. So, now that I'm out, I can admit that this mission was very easy for me--in fact, girls do this all the time.

Since we are always trying to attract men, we pay attention to what other women do that are attractive. We notice them and often comment on them. "Oh my gosh--cute bag!" And often even try and help each other. "Thanks! I got it at this store in Georgetown...I know it looks like Gucci, but it's not...here--I'll show you the lining...that's the only way you can tell."

So since reading this chapter, I have complimented LOTS of women--and some men, too. The conversation about the bag was real. Plus, I have commented on hair, smiles, energy, and I don't know what all--I can't keep track.

In retrospect, what I SHOULD have done is forced myself to compliment someone who I felt intimidated by--either because they didn't look friendly or because they were super attractive or appeared wealthy (those are my hangups).

Going forward, I'll make more of a concentrated effort to do this and break out of my comfort zone--which is the purpose of the challenge anyway.

Mission 3: The Eight-hour Rule

Get a good night's sleep. Done. (Was having trouble sleeping, then I got sick (perhaps because I wasn't sleeping!), but now I seem to be back on track.)

Field Report - 3/11

Please note that I am now using the following abbreviations for the prospecting phases, similar to but different from the PUA equivalent. I am calling this ABC Prospecting:

A - Attract	B - Bond	C - Close
A1 - Advertising	B1 - Comfort	C1 - Sales Presentation
A2 - Sorting	B2 - Connection	C2 - Follow Up
A3 - Qualifying	B3 - Intimacy	C3 - Payment

Left a lot of messages today. One disconnected number. One good conversation, as follows:

K. from Ohio

A1:  Purchased lead, so I had to demonstrate value just from the conversation--no add or website to do it for me.  Used Dani's script to start:

"Hi, this NAME, I'm calling you back.  You requested some information about working from home (no pause!) what can I do for you?"

K. replied, "What company as this?"

Per my awesome Dani training I replied, "Tell me when you have a piece of paper and a pen."  (Dani actually says, "Do you have a pen and paper handy?" -- I got in the habit of saying "Tell me..." after listening to one of our internal training calls...I like it better--it's a compliance test!)

The guy said, "Hold on," and came back.

Then I took control of the frame by using Dani's next line:

"To save us both time, I need to ask you a few questions to figure out what information to direct you to."

Then from there I launched into A2 questions per the guide.

A2:  Questions I used were:

• What's the main reason you're looking for a business of your own? (he is a trucker and wants to get off the road)
• Have you ever been self-employed or owned your own business?  (he owned his own truck--so I used lots of follow up questions to see if he would talk up his ability to be his own boss, to see if he had a sense of what it takes to run a business, etc.)
• Not everybody is cut out to make the transition from being an employee to being an entrepreneur, what makes you think you'll be successful? (he is hard headed, was taught to believe he can do anything--I followed up with "and are you surrounded by people now who believe in you," to which he replied that his wife is pretty skeptical...I was able to use that later)

A3:  K. did a good job of selling himself.  He said things like "if other people can do it, I don't see why I can't," as well as the phrase about being "hard headed" and willing to see things through until he can figure it out.  He also told me what he didn't want--i.e. wellness industry, so I was able to use that later.

B1:  My initial B1 question was "What did you want to be when you grew up?" to which he answered truck driver.  I was able to talk to him about that for awhile and felt like we made a connection.

B2:  Yes.

B3:  Asked him what he really wanted--deep down.  He talked about travel and making lots of money--even millions (again saying "if they can do it, I can, too").  He said what he really needed was someone to be available to answer questions and help him out, because he hardly knows anything about the internet--was able to use this later, too.

Also during B3 he divulged that he was really strapped financially and that he had to borrow money just to pay the electric bill.  So I asked him point blank, "So how are you going to start your business?"

He said, "Well, I believe where there is a will there is a way.  I'm going to do what it takes.  I know there's free advertising out there--I guess I'll just have to start with that."  I did NOT tell him the rage to master story--in retrospect I should have, even though he expressed it in his own words.  Oh well, live and learn (and calibrate!).

C1:  Scheduled him to the call using verbiage in the guide, "live demo..the way we deliver the information...bird's eye view," etc.  Then I set him up for the follow up as outlined: "You won't be able to make a decision...connect the dots...what it will be like when you start your business."  And I made sure he could be connected to the internet while talking to me.

Once we got everything scheduled, he asked me "So bottom line, what is the absolutely lowest amount of money I need to get started?"  And I said, "$49.95--can you handle that?"

He said, "Well, I'll have to get it past my wife."  I recommended that she be on the call with him so that she could hear exactly what it was all about without him having to explain it to her.  He thought that was a good idea.

We are scheduled to follow up tomorrow afternoon.  I'll post the rest of the field report then.

3/12 Update: Called K. for follow up appointment. Had to take friend to emergency room last night and just got back. Told him to call me after he had had a chance to rest.

Major Frame Battle!

OK, so I don't have time to write a full field report, but I did want to jot down some notes about this one call. MAJOR FRAME BATTLE!

So the woman's husband answered the phone and immediately wanted to know who I was with. I told him I was calling from my home in Virginia, and she picked up the phone and wanted asked what company I was with. I responded by saying that it didn't matter at this point (mistake on my part--I should have just followed Dani's lead and said, "Grab a piece a paper and a pen"). She said, "Well, it does matter--if I'm interested in working from home, then I want to know what company you're with." I said, "OK, so you are looking to work from home--did I catch you at a good time for a 10-15 minute conversation?" She said, "Yea, I guess."

So I started with the A1 question--"What's the main reason you're looking to start a business of your own?" She said, "To bring in extra money." I SHOULD have said something about why a business and not a job, but instead I said, "Tell me more about that." She just repeated herself (clearly, I have no value in her eyes at this point) and laughed at something her husband said in the background.

I laughed and said, "What did he say?" And she said he said I was being evasive. So at that point I said, "Tell you what. I don't think we're ready to have this conversation. How about I give you my web address--there is a 2 minute movie there you can watch. And if you'd like to find out more, you can give me a call."

She said, "Fine" and I gave her the address, followed up with an email with the link.

Ack! I need to get better control of the frame.

5 Tips for Personal Transformation

As part of the StyleLife Challenge, I occasionally get emails from someone called "The Sneak"--a master PUA on Style's team. Today's email was particularly good and applicable to network marketing, so I thought I would post it here. No translation necessary, but I will say this: How would sales increase if we were to get in that head space where we "glow like we have a new haircut"?

5 Tips for Personal Transformation
by The Sneak

"Something is different about you," she said while peering at me with a quizzed look in her eye. She continued "It's that fresh look, like when you notice somebody got a haircut, but that can't be it, because your hair is the same as always. Maybe you grew taller. Wait, that doesn't make sense."

She couldn't put her finger on it, because "it" was so much more than a simple hair cut. She had witnessed me go from the busboy that silently cleaned the tables to the top server in the place who was making hundreds in cash tips a day and was secretly dating the hot manager after work.

That sounds like bragging, but sometimes the truth does. When I had moved to the city I was lost and lonely. I didn't have any friends, and I had no clue how to make any. Those days were behind me.

"Who was that girl I saw heading out on my way upstairs? I'm getting worried about you - always a new girl. You aren't turning into some kind of womanizer are you?"

A smirk crossed my face, "I love women. You know that, but no. I'm certainly not a womanizer."

"You've been working out. Is that it? Have you been working out?"

It was her closest guess yet. I had been working out, in a sense. Not lifting weights, but working every aspect of my life. I had been since I met Style months ago.

And apparently, by this point, I seemed to be shining with an inner confidence that bestowed me with the energy of a permanently fresh haircut. And the best part about this was that the improvement techniques I was using were freely available to anyone who wanted them.

You don't have to be born with any specific talent, but you must be prepared to work to rise to the top of your personal capabilities. Here are 5 tips to get you started:


TIP #1: Embrace the Pain

The superstar is vulnerable. Your mind, body, and emotions will all be exposed in this process. There will be bumps and bruises along the way but in the end you will heal and be stronger. It is ok to fear this pain, but you must be ready to push past it and continue on. The superstar does not quit.

To quote Style, who was quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger, "The last three or four reps is what makes the muscles grow. This area of pain divides a champion from someone who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens."

Make the personal vow to embrace that pain right now and you will be one step closer to superstardom.


TIP #2: Take Off the Lid

The vast majority of limitations are self-imposed. Carefully monitor your own thoughts. When your inner voice mentions a limitation, acknowledge that this is likely a self-imposed ceiling. As you will see in time, once you stop questioning what you can and cannot achieve, you will frequently find yourself performing feats that before you didn't even think possible.

Start monitoring your limiting beliefs today and begin to see what you are really capable of.


TIP #3: Understand that Obstacles are Part of the Journey

Nobody gets a smooth ride. Every now and then we all face challenges, and we all hit walls. While facing death, Professor Randy Pausch explained in his now famous last lecture that those walls are there for a specific purpose.

They are made to keep all of those who don't want it badly enough OUT. You however are the exception. You will find a way to continue forward and make it past that wall.


TIP #4: Be a Beginner and Be an Expert

Always be humble, you are never too advanced to learn something new. Always be confident, know you are worthy of even the highest level of secret information.

When working at developing any skill, bear in mind you're never above the fundamentals, yet keep your ears perked for expert level tips as well. Keep an open mind and be ready to learn at every opportunity.


Tip #5: Dream BIG

Yes, setting reasonable goals for yourself that you know you can achieve and incrementing those goals into small chunks. That is important for the average person...BUT the superstar must strike the perfect balance. Remember today's second tip, you cannot limit yourself.

Take a moment and ask yourself "What did I want to be when I grew up?" Did you answer an astronaut or professional sports player? You need to reactivate the dreamer part of your personality.

Ask yourself, what are your dreams NOW...because you must have those dreams to bring them into reality. And you can. And you will.

Never Argue

This is normally the type of thing that Solid and I would talk about on our call, but she has been busy with other things lately, and we haven't had a chance to chat--so I thought I would just jot this down real quick.

Yesterday at church, one of the counselors in the bishopric told an interesting story, and yet again I thought how well life reflects the art of seduction.

Brother C. said that when he was young he had a stake president who was very stoic. He was somber, rarely cracked a smile, and was kind of scary and intimidating to a teenager.

So when the Brother C. went in for his missionary interview, he was a little on edge.

During the interview the stake president looked Brother C. in the eye and asked him pointedly, "So Elder, you're on your mission and your companion announces one day that he is going to go to the movies. What do you do?"

Brother C. said that he gave what he thought was the right answer, "Oh, I would NEVER go to the movies--absolutely not. I would refuse."

To which the stake president replied, "Wrong answer. Never leave your companion. You tell the elder that you will go with him to the movies, but after it's over he will have 5 minutes, and either he will call the mission president or you will."

Fast forward one year and Brother C. found himself on his mission, in his white shirt and tie, on the subway with his companion, in jeans, high top sneakers, and a cowboy hat, headed toward a bad situation.

All the arguing the world would not convince this companion to stop what he was about to do.

Suddenly, Brother C. remembered the words of his stake president and he said, "Elder, you go ahead and go, and I'll go with you. But five minutes after it's over, either you'll call the mission president or I will."

The companion was angry, but at the next subway stop he got off and headed back home.

This story reminded me of Mystery's last minute backout technique of agreement. He says that whenever you argue with someone, you give them traction to strengthen their own side.

So, when a girl says, "We should stop--my parents will hear us," instead of saying, "Don't worry, they can't hear us," you should say, "You're absolutely right, we should stop"--and keep going. Let HER be the one to put on the brakes.

What I learned from Brother C's story is that refusing to argue can be used not only to get what you DO want, but also to prevent what you DON'T want.

Moral: Never argue. Period.